he NannyMUD Times issue 2000 December.

[Polar]

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 1    ---



         1 - Index
              You're already reading it.
         2 - Announcements
              Autumn's announcements and marriages.
         3 - Player Question
              The last Player Question of the year.
         4 - Top 10
              The Christmas Top 10.
         5 - Pub Review
              Another restaurant gets reviewed.
         6 - Area Review
              Balin's area gets a review.
         7 - Emote Room Review
              Madame has got another round of emote rooms for you.
         8 - England Mud Party Log
              Someone had some fun last summer. Read about it here.
         9 - Bad Ideas for Areas
              You always wanted to code an area? Here's what not to do.
        10 - The Scrolls of Deep Time
 
              You remember this? No? Read it anyway.
        11 - Santa's Gift List
              An anonymous player sent us Santa's list of gifts.
        12 - This Month's Player Profile
              Snuttegumma invited us into her world.
        13 - Player Profile Form
              Want to be famous? Fill out this form and mail us.
        14 - Quiz Solves
              The solves for Hrodlauf's last quiz.
        15 - Puzzle Solves
              Oooold solves to oooold puzzles.
        16 - Hrodlauf's Quiz
              Once again, courtesy of Hrodlauf.
        17 - Puzzles
              Another round of easy money for you.
        18 - Editorial
              The Editor's infamous last words.


        Got any complaints, ideas, praises or other things you want
        The NannyMUD Times to know about? Mail Dunstan!

 


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        Announcements summer/autumn 2000.

        Yaleah, Sync, Edoras, Deathwing, Light, Mirage, Ameno,
        Parity, Xonder, Asarnil, Wolfy, Kadagar, Metro, and Fyghter
        all opened areas within the last 6 months. The tourist
        office is more than happy to provide you with more info.

        Sindel closed his area.

        The Deputy's Club and the Servants of evil Club both opened
        on Antharis. Rumour has it they are somehow involved in the
        so-called Basalt attacks. The Chess Club opened up somewhere
        in Parity's area.

        The Vampires Guild reopened. It was closed during the summer
        after the mud was hacked by an unnamed wizard. The White
        Lily Monastery pulled up its roots and planted them along
        with the rest of The Monks Guild in the Antharis soil.

 
        Barbarella retired as High Wizard.

        A new pk-system was implemented. After a trial period of one
        month a few changes were made to the existing pk-system.
        Three new commands were made available for all players:
        Ignore, Ignorelist and Unignore.

        Moreover the soul, which provides us with feelings etc. was
        updated courtesy of Gabe. The SP-cost of tells was lowered
        to 1 SP.

        New rules for wizzing were implemented. "Help application"
        for more info.

        Excalibur and Keeper were both demoted for two weeks.

        As for banishments a long list of people were banished.
        Magnatu, Teodora, Tziganul, Rain, Jukka/Helmy, and Logjam
        for harassment. Garr/Jesus, Rengard/Azerath, and
        Corb/Cactus for multiplaying. Nightquest for offering his
        password to anyone who'd want it. Aesandro, Dragonheart,

        Himalaya, Khepri, Moridiacent, Moyocoyani, Muje, Robroy,
 
        Roxy, Sinister, Toranaga, and Trustme for bug-abuse.

        For more info, check out The Adventurers' Guild board or
        the Announce board.


        Marriages summer/autumn 2000

        Nothel was married to Ameno by Dunstan Thu Jun  1 00:06:27 2000
        Jacqualine was married to Icesphere by Reece Sat Jun 10 18:29:47 2000
        Garreth was married to Ceres by Oak Sun Jun 25 04:31:00 2000
        Valdor was married to Jennsan by Mistress Tue Jun 27 22:10:09 2000
        Violntwynds was married to Selina by Lys Tue Jul  4 09:47:03 2000
        Helmy was married to Precious by Mistress Mon Jul 10 21:42:02 2000
        Mammuth was married to Paris by Mammuth Tue Jul 11 10:23:24 2000
        Berek was married to Alana by Charisma Mon Jul 17 07:21:35 2000
        Brom was married to Banshee by Banshee Sun Jul 23 11:54:55 2000
        Halamere was married to Madrigal by Belegur Tue Jul 25 04:17:37 2000
        Sherry was married to Jokah by Phade Tue Jul 25 21:34:34 2000
        Amazon was married to Fiji by Susie Fri Jul 28 21:50:33 2000
        Lonewolf was married to Oak by Oak Sat Aug  5 21:34:58 2000
        Luxor was married to Aenione by Jokah Sun Aug  6 05:48:50 2000
 
        Koala was married to Panda by Casper Sun Sep  3 01:26:17 2000
        Silverfox was married to Mango by Flameorb Sun Sep  3 05:09:46 2000
        Pasca was married to Phibes by Avis Sun Sep  3 08:29:40 2000
        Intel was married to Amd by Flameorb Mon Sep 25 23:39:24 2000
        Kelly was married to Grimshadow by Jesica Mon Oct  2 01:05:29 2000
        Sync was married to Bluesoul by Sync Thu Oct  5 20:53:13 2000
        Slurp was married to Ellie by Snafu Fri Oct  6 22:46:49 2000
        Blackwidow was married to Iznogoud by Iznogoud Mon Oct  9 23:03:43 2000
        Barbarella was married to Bastet by Barbarella Sun Oct 15 02:11:32 2000
        Drahe was married to Chacha by Drahe Thu Oct 19 00:38:56 2000
        Tazn was married to Unicorne by Courtney Sat Oct 21 04:22:29 2000
        Liona was married to Telaron by Preoteasa Fri Oct 27 00:48:09 2000
        Phoenix was married to Simone by Simone Sun Oct 29 02:58:23 2000
        Winnowill was married to Bombadill by Barbarella Wed Nov  1 00:08:36 2000
        Serene was married to Elladan by Elladan Wed Nov  1 16:07:10 2000
        Crudes was married to Isabel by Diabolos Wed Nov  1 22:25:37 2000
        Alert was married to Kaliyana by Darien Sat Nov  4 01:55:04 2000
        Belgarath was married to Poledra by Beldin Tue Nov  7 03:38:15 2000
        Lorenzo was married to Margot by Lorenzo Fri Nov 10 20:07:37 2000
        Whizz was married to Jadea by Whizz Mon Nov 13 17:49:49 2000
        Tamul was married to Mimunia by Bluejedi Fri Nov 17 20:13:11 2000
        Beleriand was married to Calypso by Mistress Sun Nov 19 22:47:25 2000
 
        Xed was married to Karmela by Pasca Mon Nov 20 18:26:12 2000
        Sabina was married to Loomis by Drakath Mon Nov 20 23:48:52 2000
        Manxwar was married to Zxc by Snafu Tue Dec 12 18:27:39 2000
        Thaw was married to Ydo by Ydo Sat Dec 16 18:17:12 2000
        Aryn was married to Talsman by Snafu Tue Dec 19 06:05:47 2000
        Gnorf was married to Blaupunkt by Ydo Wed Dec 20 16:08:23 2000

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Lectral tells you: Hi! I'm doing a poll for the NannyMUD Times: What is your
        New Year's resolution? If you don't have one, make one up.

Malfeithor replies to you: dont have one so i guess i have work to do
Preoteasa replies to you: wait a sec
Lynx tells you: Resolution? 1024x768 as ever.
<-Assembly-> Confused tells you: to make a wiz and code an area..hehe..just
             made that up..
<-Assembly-> Crazycheese tells you: eat tons of cheese
[Khorne] Bundy tells you: To mud even more...
Rayne tells you: stop playing nanny so much
Snafu tells you: to get my voice heard in every published nanny paper from here
      on out
Fogo tells you: To work harder in school
Narya tells you: To finish my dissertation. And to get my boyfriend on the same
      continent that I'm on.
[Khorne] Martinique tells you: To not play any MUDs.
Flameorb tells you: To quit switching guilds so often. 
[-Druids-] Aryanna tells you: to get Kyron to admit that he is in love with
 
           Ladydeathe.
Deedlit tells you: hmm.... let me think.... i won't skip any more classes to
        stay home and play nannymud
Bobthewise tells you: i don't have one
Sockerbit replies to you: to kill more Defenders.
Amazon tells you: *chuckles* My new year resolution is to give up men
Ciana tells you: My resolution is not to make one
[-Druids-] Aryanna tells you: and to stop Methtical from eating frozen worms
           and cow dung.. in search for mushrooms.
<-Assembly-> Tru tells you: to finish paying off my car
[Khorne] Potenceguy tells you: My new years resolution is that im gonna kill
         every dane i see
Groo tells you: Groo resolves to slay! And to get cheese dip.
Someone tells you: to get a straight answer out of Banshee.
Beshina replies to you: huh?

Methtical tells you: My new year's resolution is to stay out of jail this year,
          and loose my fear of picking up soap in the shower.
Zoltar tells you: I'm getting married on the 30th...so I'm resolved to be
       married
Frot tells you: To star in more porn films.
Kadagar tells you: Not to destruct any more admins/wizards.
Lagging tells you: To lack as much common sense as any other year.
 
Arc tells you: Ehm....ok, all that went wrong (everything) will in 2001, go
    right. I'll make it so!
Bloodmonger tells you: SLAY, SLAY, SLAY.
Milk replies to you: aha, stop playing this game
Preoteasa replies to you: becoming 24 with my wiz: rainman
Amazon tells you: sorry, can I amend that..I meant to 'give up on men
Beleriand tells you: 1162x864
Opus tells you: Sorry, no New Years day, this year armageddon will arrive at
     christmas
Methtical tells you: Hmmm scratch that one. I just want to continue my quest to
          mudsex every knight's angel and to pimp them out to the druid's
          feathery friends.
Methtical tells you: err falcon
Beshina replies to you: kick some assess!!!!!!!!
[Simyarin] Manar tells you: lectral To explore more and idle less.
Beshina replies to you: and rot-a-lot:)
Narya shouts: tell lectral OK!
Chelonian tells you: i have a standing resolution to not bother with all this
          resolution c*ap
Meep tells you: To get all samples cleared before I release my next record.
Preoteasa replies to you: cool:) let see if i can reach it:)
Meep tells you: *grin*
 
Ameno tells you: hmm haven't got one.. snuggle Nothel even more perhaps?
[Simyarin] Arbre tells you: Same as every year, I resolve to never do New
           Year's resolutions. That ties up my brain for another year.
Snapple tells you: i just want her back
Earendil replies to you: OK!
Beldin tells you: My new year's resolution is to see a shrink.
Gurk tells you: My resolution for 2001 will be 1280*1024, 24bpp and perhaps
           around 80 to 100 hz.
Leclerk tells you: My new years resolution is manage to stay away
           from demotion another year.




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                               _/_/_/     _/_/_/_/   
                            _/_/_/_/   _/_/_/_/_/_/
                               _/_/  _/_/      _/_/
                              _/_/  _/_/      _/_/
                             _/_/  _/_/      _/_/
                            _/_/  _/_/      _/_/
                           _/_/   _/_/_/_/_/_/
                          _/_/     _/_/_/_/
 
 
                          ...Santa pick-up lines


         1. Giddy-up over here and say 'Howdy' to your fat, bearded
            cowboy of love!

         2. That is a candy cane in my pocket, and I'm glad to see
            you.

     3. Please, I've been on the north pole for 12 months,
            I beg you!

         4. I got your stocking stuffer right here!

         5. One hour with me honey and you'll see flyin' reindeer.

         6. How about you and I go back to my place and check out
            my workshop?

         7. I've got something you can hang a wreath on.

         8. I put the 'scroo' in 'Scrooge'!

         9. I'll make you shake like a bowl full of jelly

        10. I've got an elf in my pants.



---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 5    ---



        Our usual Pub Reviewer, Reznor, is on vacation, which means
        we've been forced to ask the cultist dope, Quaid, to take
        over for this issue. We kindly asked him to do a review of
        a rather new establishment, namely the Telgar Restaurant, so
        that's what you'll get.

        The restaurant is located near the meadow outside the Telgar
        Hold. If you have no clue on where to find Telgar search the
        northeastern part of Larstown for a beast that might just
        fly you there.

        Once in the restaurant you are greeted by a rather friendly,
        but annoyingly spammy waiter, who will hand you a menu right
        away. The menu looks as follows:


            *********** The Telgar Restaurant Menu ***********
              1   Risotto                           50 coins
              2   Meat balls                        65 coins
 
              3   Boiled tripe                      85 coins
              4   Grilled kidneys                  120 coins
              5   Fried liver                      165 coins
              6   Stewed brains                    165 coins
              7   Steak au poivres                 210 coins
              8   Sauteed ears                     390 coins
              9   Stewed eyeballs                  390 coins
            **************************************************


        I started out with ordering a plate of Risotto at the price
        of 50 coins. It was quite delicious, but far from enough to
        still my hunger. Total heal worth 10 hp.

        Next up on the menu was the meat balls. Rather spicy, as
        well as the price -- 65 coins and a 12 hp heal.

        One of my favourites, Boiled Tripe. It cost me 85 coins, but
        I got a delicious bowl of slimey tripe worth 12 hp.


        Another delicious dish, Grilled Kidneys cost me 120 coins
        and got me a heal worth 20 hp.
 

        For 165 coins you'll get Fried Liver worth 25 hp.

        My personal favourite and one I'll recommend to the great
        Cthulhu once he arrives, Stewed Brains -- 165 coins for
        25 sp.

        Fancy French meat, Steak au poivres. 210 coins for 30 hp.

        If you're a rich bugger Sauted Ears might be your deal.
        For 390 coins you'll get a 45 hp heal. Nice heal, but
        expensive.

        Like the Sauted Ears, the Stewed Eyeballs costs 390 coins,
        but will provide you with a 45 sp heal instead.


        It might be a good idea to visit the restaurant on an empty
        stomach as the menu consists of food only. However, you are
        almost certain the restaurant is open. In the two hours
        I was standing in the restaurant noone stopped by to heal,
        and an inquery over the Chat line revealed that A) Noone
 
        seems to know the restaurant or would care to recommend it,
        B) Everyone were minding their own business, or C) Something
        beyond me. Of course, I didn't mind at all, it meant more
        scrummy tripe for me!

        Furthermore the restaurant has a unique feature. The
        waiter's brother runs the meatmarket next to the restaurant
        and he gladly accepts donations of genuine Pernese meat at
        good prices. I decided to check out the feature myself, so
        I found a neat, little sinister waterdragon to play with.
        Naturally, it was no match for the powers of Cthulhu and the
        restaurant quickly found itself with a nice supply of
        entrails, brains and dragon meat, and I with the need of a
        bigger purse. Neat.

        All in all, great heal, great variety of dishes, but lacking
        drinks -- and a couple of dishes were rather expensive. I'll
        give it 4 tentacles out of 6.

        Pros: 1 tentacle for variety of food,
              1 for variety of healing,
              1 for the special meat feature,
 
              1 for food with sp healing only,
              Plus a bonus tentacle for adding a restaurant to a
              great area.
     
        Cons: 1 tentacle for the lack of drinks served.

[Polar]

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 6    ---



        For the first time in a loooong time The NannyMud Times
        features an Area review. Lys took on the task of reviewing
        Balin's area for this issue of the paper.


        The wizard Balin resides in a Keep far from our dear
        Larstown. To get there one must board the good ship Wayfarer
        which docks east and south of the South Coast and sail to
        Basalt Keep on the continent of Antharis. The voyage is a
        long one, crossing a vast distance. The scenery along the
        way is enjoyable though, making it a pleasant journey.

        The town of Lawrence, where Lord Balin rules, is reached by
        traveling south from Basalt Keep. A short distance past the
        Mileo crossing you will find a road leading west towards the
        Light Leaf Forest. Follow the road and travel through the
        forest to find Lawrence. Be wary of the thieves roaming the
        woods as they will cheerfully lighten your load.

 
        Other than the light-fingered thieves, there is little for
        an explorer to fear in this area. The residents of Lawrence
        are an interesting and varied group. Some are quite chatty
        and helpful, some appear to carry interesting loot.

        The castle within Lawrence is situated on a cliff
        overlooking the whole realm. The gate is usually locked, but
        the intrepid explorer can find more than one way to enter.
        High inside the keep of that castle you may find Lord Balin
        himself.

        Within the town you can find a fine Blacksmith Shop, where
        you can outfit your party with suitable pieces of armour and
        weaponry. Once armed perhaps have a go at those thieves in
        the forest, who knows what treasures they might be hiding.

        While Balin offers no quests at this time, there are
        puzzles. One of those puzzles will gain you entrance to the

        Geeks Club if you can solve it. Geeks are a studious bunch,
        proudly wearing pocket protectors and armed with only an
        abacus as they venture nearsightly through life. If this
        sounds like you, come to Lawrence and prove your geekish
 
        nature. Join the Geeks and share your visions with others
        of your kind.

        Balin's area is safe and easy to explore for players of any
        level and playing ability. The typos are scarce and there
        are many things for the clever or perseverent explorer to
        discover.



---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 7    ---


        ROOM REVIEW

        The emote room reviewed in the last edition had a small
        drawback. The honeymoon suite can only be entered after
        marrying another player. Perhaps you don't want the
        commitment. Perhaps you are already committed, but your eye
        has strayed to some snuggly druid. There are, fortunately,
        several places available for an evening's dalliance.

        The wizard Traste created a fine bath tub in his castle. It
        is a perfect place to soak away the blood and grime after a
        hard day of hacking and slashing. You can fill the tub with
        hot, steamy water and use the lovely violet soap provided to
        work up a lather. Best of all, the tub holds two comfortably,
        so you can bring a friend as well.


        The tub is, of course, another emote room. So you can do all
        sorts of interesting things there.


  Madame climbs into the tub.

 This tub holds two people comfortingly. Apart from being somewhat bigger
 than a usual tub, it looks quite ordinary. There's a tap in the wall to
 the north. There is a plug in a hole in the bottom.
 The tub is empty.
   There is one obvious exit: out.

 Madame turns the tap.

 When you turn the tap the tub starts filling with hot water
 and steam starts to rise from the bottom.
 You get rather wet.
 The tub is filling with hot, steamy water...
 When the tub is almost filled to the brim, the tap magically turns itself off!

 Madame lays back in the bathtub and relaxes. Ahhhhhh.


        ---


 
        Emote rooms can be found where you least expect them.  Some
        are more romantic than others. The magician in Vistula Keep
        has a room he uses reportedly for meditating.

 You are standing in the inner sanctum of Vistula Keep. This is where the
 magician comes to meditate or to hold counsel. The room is featureless and
 blackened. You get the feeling that this would be a good place to have fun
 with your friends because it allows for a more liberated form of
 communication then do the other rooms in the keep. In the south wall there is
 a portal.
   There are no obvious exits.


        Not so conducive to a romantic encounter, but with a little
        imagination it can be fun.

 Madame conjures up a cosy table and 2 chairs.
 Madame pops open a bottle of fine champagne and fills your glass.

 Magame gazes coyly at you as you sip your champagne.

        The room has an interesting ascii feature, the portal:

 
 / /\ \/ /__________\ \/ /\ \/ /\ \/ /\ \/ /\ \/ /\ \   
 ======|<|     |    |>|==============================                 
       |<|     |    |>|                                               
       |<|     |    |>|     It is a magical portal                   
       |<|     |    |>|     to another place. If                     
       |<|    o|o   |>|     you intone the proper                     
       |<|     |    |>|     word you may enter!                       
       |<|     |    |>|                                               
       |<|     |    |>|                                               
 ______|<|_____|____|>|_______________________________               
 =====/  /____/\____\  \==============================             
 =============\/======================================               
 _____________________________________________________               


        Some of you may recognize this portal from the other side.
        If not, have a look around Vistula Keep to find it. Then all
        you need to do is to find the right word.

        Enjoy!

 Madame waves blissfully.
 

[Polar]

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 8    ---



        The England Mud Party 2000

        Some time back in the summer of 2000 a couple of people met
        up for a mud party in Liverpool, England. Readis kept track
        of things and here is his log of the event.


        Disclaimer:
        My apologies if the log begins to make less and less sense
        towards the end of the evening.  Much beer was consumed and
        the writing got less and less legible!

        The definitive list of who attended:
               Christia
               Firelight
               Giltas
               Hayt
               Johann
               Lectral
 
               Mats
               Mengor
               Meister
               Mistress
               Moonchild
               Mortis
               Readis
               Valentine
               Valdor

        Date: 8/7/2000
        Place: Liverpool, England (Liverpudlians claim that Liverpool
        _is_ in England, although the rest of the country strongly
        denies it)

        The party kicked off with a select group of people who went
        off ten-pin bowling during the afternoon. They included
        Mistress, Mats, Mortis and a few others (not being there I
        don't have an accurate record).  Lectral failed to make it
        as he still had an appalling hangover from the night before
        and spent most of the day in bed!

 
        However, the real party started off with a few beers in a
        good old-fashioned English pub, named the 'Finch and
        Firkin'. A log was kept from this point on, so I will
        endeavour to list it in full.  Valentine was very insistent
        that all entries were timestamped so I'll add those in as
        well.


18:15 Evening begins in Finch and Firkin.
Company present: Mats, Mortis, Moonchild, Mistress, Readis,
Firelight, Lectral, Mengor, Hayt, Valentine.
Mistress on coke!
[The log fails to specify which sort of coke]
Mortis and Firelight are already boring everyone by going on
and on about client versus the shell.
18:40 Valentine attempts to keep the topic away from Nanny.
18:40 Velentine fails miserably.
18:40 Valdor turns up.
[We'd forgotten him and left him behind in his room]
18:40 Readis stops entire evening by asking 'So what is

the admin policy on Nanny?'
Mats stays silent.     
 
18:40 Valentine makes sure that everyone knows that it still
is 18:40.
18:45 Firelight and Mortis start discussing Monks at length.
18:45 Mortis blamed for absolutely everything. Ever.
18:46 Mortis IS guilty.
18:46 Valentine still obsessed by the time.
18:47 Firelight described as a 'speccy balding guy'.
[An accurate observation.]
18:48 Firelight accused of being Firebird.  General merriment.
18:50 Firelight utterly appalled by accusation.
[It took him 2 minutes to register it.]
18:50 Lectral nearly attempts to use the ladies' toilet.
18:50 Moonchild named a b**tard due to his fleas.
18:55 Firelight calls Lectral immature.
[Pot calling the kettle black.]
19:00 Valentine orders a soft drink.  Wuss!!
19:05 'Nannymudders are wusses' - apparently because cider is
      the most popular drink this round (Firelight and foreign
      mudders being the guilty parties).
19:06 Hayt discovers that he is a foreign mudder.
19:06 Firelight boldly defends his deep love of cider. So there.
19:07 Readis calls Firelight a pussy.
 
19:08 Firelight really hates Readis.
19:09 Readis delicately enquires if Firelight does want a lift
      home tomorrow - 'Guess who's stuck in Liverpool?'
19:10 Answer: Everyone!
19:07 Mengor tries to write something interesting, but fails
miserably.
19:12 Moonchild is intrigued at the backwards movement of time
      between the last two entries.
19:14 Firelight and Readis give most of their area secrets away
      to Valentine.
19:20 Firelight leaves west.
19:22 Firelight arrives.
19:22 Several wizards are slagging off a certain admin.
19:34 Firelight's phone's vibrations get him every time (sad
      f**ker).
19:35 Party generally wonders where Mistress and everyone else
      is?
19:36 Mortis wonders whether Mistress is 'doing' Giltas.
19:36 Lectral says that Valentine is old when he realises her
      age.
19:40 Readis exclaims: Who the f**k sponsored Reece?
      General Reece bashing begins!
 
19:40 New arrivals:
      Mistress, Giltas, Meister, Johann, Johann's bird.
      (Nobody has a f**king clue who is who)
      ['Johann's bird' turned out to be Christia.]
19:40 Moonchild makes vague accusations of a Mistress gangbang.
19:42 Everyone still obsessing about the f**king time!
      Particularly the guy who wrote '19:42' at the start of the
      above entry.
      [No idea who that was ]
19:44 Mengor is wondering where this is going to.
      Mistress finally has some beer.
19:46 Firelight is trying to introduce everyone by name (Nanny
      and RL) to the new arrivals, and f**ks up at Valdor.
19:?? Moonchild thinks Mats should write something in the log.
19:52 Mats thinks Valentine looks gorgeous this evening!
      Hotstuff!
19:53 Everyone goes 'Ahh'!
19:54 Hayt nearly gets assaulted by five small kids in the
      toilet.
      [At least it wasnt the female toilet Lectral]
19:55 Mortis is showing clear signs of intoxication.
19:56 Valentine gets another orange juice....WUSS!!
 
19:57 Fisk discussion starts!
      (Valentine starts removing her clothes)
20:00 Firelight described as the 'wrecker of dreams' for
      marrying Mistress.
20:01 Mistress points out that the divorce occurred years ago.
20:02 Mistress reckons that Reece is alright.
      Firelight wants to break his [Reece's] legs.
20:05 Reece bashing reaches new heights!
20:06 Some bizarre comment about jukeboxes from Giltas.
      Firelight has no idea what he is on about.
20:07 Banshee bashing commences again.
20:08 Mistress gets strangled.
      FIGHT!!!
      Valdor hides under the table.
      [No comments about knight valour please.]
20:10 Mistress causes huge rumpus!
20:11 Firelight starts insulting Mistress.
20:16 Meister wonders exactly why the pary has a notepad.
      (And wonders how he can misspell party)
20:17 Johann agrees, and capers merrily, but no-one is looking,
      so beats a local at pool. 'Bah!'
20:18 Giltas bemoans the fact that Johann vanished off to the
 


      pool table forever and a day.
20:20 Firelight and Mistress continue to argue.
20:22 Johann rants at Mengor about pronounciation in various
      languages.
      Mengor ignores Johann.
      Johann shuts up.
20:23 Firelight starts talking about 'massdebation'.
20:24 Firelight defends himself - 'Get a grip!'
20:25 Heading off for the curry now.  P*ssing down outside ;(
20:28 Fight starts over possession of Valentine's roomkey!
      Hayt has it now dammit!
      But Mortis will have it soon!
      After that Mengor will murder Mortis in a back alley to take
      control of the roomkey.
20:32 Mengor starts lying like hell.
20:33 Mengor denies everything, and points at Valdor accusingly.
20:34 Hayt sits quietly in the corner with the key.
20:37 Arrive at the restaurant.  Lectral enters with a vague,
      but big smile.
20:40 Readis observes that with only three girls present,
      there could be trouble....
20:41 Mengor claims all the girls to be his, so what's the
       trouble?
20:44 Moonchild asks Firelight what it is like to have sex
      with a woman.
20:45 Mistress refuses to down a bottle of wine, then takes
      only 2 minutes to do so.
      Firelight claims she can do it in 30 seconds. 
      [Do what exactly Firelight?]
20:52 Mengor just needed to write something down in the log
      (confused already - damn the night hasn't even begun!)
20:53 Mengor is really worried about his grammer - poor boy.
      In his defence he isn't a native English speaker.
      [Moonchild failed to spell grammar correctly in the above
      entry, and he _is_ a native English speaker]
20:54 Mistress recommends the Chicken Tandoori Masala to
      Valdor, who is stupid enough to take her advice.
21:04 Everyone eats popadoms!
21:05 Firelight has to choose Lectral's curry - awesome
      responsibility.
      [Firelight settled for the curry that he has _every_
      _single_ time that he goes to a curry house - chicken
      tikka masala]
21:15 Lectral makes unprintable accusations about one of
       our much-loved Arch-wizards.  How shameful!
21:16 Boring boring wizards!
      Mortals rule!
      (Said by Mistress after 2 bottles of wine)
21:17 Mengor falls on the floor.
21:20 Mistress bottles out.
      [of downing another bottle of wine]
21:22 Mistress says: Stop picking on Valentine.  Meanies!
      Valentine denies being picked on.
21:23 Lectral displays a worrying interest in Banshee's
      physical appearance!
21:27 There aren't enough women here!
21:31 There are.  It's just a matter of being in the right
      place at the right time [Johann]
21:32 Just 'cos you're not single [unnamed single bloke]
21:33 Bah! I am virtually single. Well, not more that 1 1/2.
      [Johann]
[Christia looked confused at this point]
21:33 Je ne comprends pas! Qu'est-ce que tu as dit??!! Bof!!
      [unnamed single bloke again]
21:34 Mats seen laughing.  General astonishment.
21:35 Hayt drops poppadum in miniscule gap between table and
       wall.
21:36 Firelight has no idea what is going on
21:37 Mistress doesn't like wine. (General astonishment!)
21:38 Party realises that Mistress is talking rubbish.
21:39 Valdor looks confused and starts spilling drinks.
21:40 Giltas goes out to phone the missus!
      [Sad bugger!]
21:43 Giltas is being a long time.
21:43 Apparently, Johann's 'waggler' will make an appearance
      shortly.  Meister cowers in fear.
21:44 (But Meister has already seen it)
21:45 Readis delicately enquire whether Valentine is 'active'
      at the moment.
21:45 Mistress is being a teacup???
21:46 Giltas is still discussing Johann's waggler.
21:49 Giltas points out that his waggler discussion came
      hard [??] on the heels of his 'report in' to the missus.
21:49 Mortis elopes to another table...
21:48 Time goes backwards temporarily.
21:49 Mistress, Valdor and Giltas down chilli sauce.  Bugger.
      Much wastage!
21:50 Giltas feels worse for wear.
 
21:52 Mengor demands his seat back.
21:55 Readis and Valentine debate signatures.
21:56 Valentine shows off her 'aitches'.
21:55 Mats does his autograph for Mistress
      Mistress *beams*.
21:56 Moonchild spills wine everywhere.
21:57 Mengor wants food.
21:58 Valdor and Firelight are fighting about a camera.
      Mengor still wants food.
22:04 Lots of curry......
22:07 Missy and Valentine feel wobbly.
22:08 Mortis says: Please not while we are eating.
22:08 Valdor's eyes go blank as he says: 'yess... Mistresss.'
22:10 Christia claims that alcohol is illegal in Wales.
22:11 Christia has the hiccups. 'Yay!'
22:12 Valdor is still hungry.
22:13 Hayt talks about popadums.
      Readis talks about Valentine's eyes.
      Mengor coughs.
22:14 Mistress is pissed.
      Valentine can't write.
      Valdor appreciates Mistress' spaghetti, but not her driving.
 

[Polar]

      Mengor agrees.
22:15 Mistress stalls again.
22:19 Mistress starts a food fight.
22:20 Mengor ignores Mistress.
22:25 RT knights are nothing. (Mistress and Firelight accept
      it)
22:30 Firelight admits to a trained right hand.
22:33 Mengor and Mortis chain smoke in the corner.
20:34 Pen runs out.
22:35 Still no-one up for a demotion.  If they don't give me
      more free drinks, there might be some adjustments of levels.
      [Mats]
22:40 Mats says: This is the _real_ mud 10th anniversary.
      Lots of cheers.
10:41 We debate whether Giltas will vomit before the end of
      the evening.
22:42 Mistress begs Mengor.
22:45 Mortis talks about boring wizstuff with Mats.
22:49 Reece abuse continues.
22:49 Valentine drinks water and is quiet.
22:52 General company wants to go to a club.  Some mutiny

      in the ranks.
 
22:55 Lectral apparently wants to snog everyone.
      [The log originally recorded Firelight as being the target
      of Lectral's affections, but someone crossed it out.]
22:56 Lectral hates queers!
23:00 Bill panic!
23:01 Readis announces that Valentine has just offered her
      services.
      Valentine denies all vociferously.
      Mengor looks innocent.
      Christia sleeps.
23:02 Mortis has hot hands.
      Everyone sucks on lollipops, especially Mats.
23:03 Lectral declares that he is going to 'ask a girl for
      cunnilingus'
23:05 Giltas and Valdor pass quite some time in the loo.
      Mistress goes in and sorts them out.
      All emerge quite happy.
23:06 Lectral, Firelight and Readis get glittered by
      Valentine.
23:06 Mengor and Valdor repeatedly ask what 'cunnilingus'
      is.
23:10 Outside club.
 
23:12 Giltas explains 'cunnilingus' to Mengor and Valdor.
      Both express their shock.
23:20 Everyone in club.  Becks appears to be the most popular
      drink.  Valentine is heavily into the orange juice again.
      Wuss!!!
23:32 Valentine claims Lectral as her own.
23:32 Giltas appears to be pretending to be under the
      influence of some very powerful stimulants.  Either that,
      or he's a wierdo.
23:33 Giltas _is_ a wierdo.
23:35 Firelight is felt up by a strange bloke.
      Firelight runs away.
23:35 Moonchild tries to persuade Lectral to appear in a
      TV documentary called 'The A to Z of Sexual Practice' as
      advertised in the club.
23:40 Mistress and Valentine dancing.
      Giltas attempting to dance.
23:41 Mats CAPERS!!!
23:43 Mengor is really wondering about the music that is
      being played.  Meanwhile Mistress and Valentine hit the
      dance floor.
23:44 MATS IS DANCING!! (nearly)
 
23:45 Who cares - he looks like he's having fun!
23:49 Lectral hits the dancefloor, minus shoes.
23:50 Meister suggests everyone move to the upper dance floor.
23:52 Giltas lost track of his beer.
00:00 Valentine grabs Moonchild.
00:01 Mats rocks!
      Mengor refuses to!
00:02 Giltas has a large dribble patch on his shirt.
      Origin: unknown.
00:04 Lectral has gone missing.
00:05 Mistress, Valentine and Valdor shout 'mother f**ker'
      at each other.  It might be something to do with the song
      that is playing tho.
      Active dancing people:
      Valentine, Johann, Moonchild, Mats, Hayt, Christia, Readis
      Meister.
      (but its changing all the time dammit)
00:30 Missing Lectral explained - 'some nice girl' bought
      him a drink.
      Mistress - is she on the pull tonight?
      The question is - who will be the lucky victim....
      Contenders: Firelight
       (Non)contenders: Mortis
      Giltas now looking distinctly second-hand.
      Massive photography session on the dance floor.
      Everyone starts writing messages on Lectral's chest.
00:32 Firelight is horny.  He's practically drooling. 
      The bastard.
      Valentine forced to jump out of the way of a very drunk
      couple snogging, as they fall on the floor.
00:50 Giltas can't take his beer!!!!
00:51 Mortis bows before Valentine.
00:52 Mistress and Giltas play football with a beercan.
      Finally some music Mengor really likes -> Oasis!
00:53 OK....who broke the pen?
00:55 Mengor tested the dance floor - yep he's up for it!!
      Meanwhile, Giltas is giving lessons in pole dancing.
01:00 Firelight confesses that he is pissed.
01:20 Pissed people start drinking Red Bull and vodka - yay!
01:25 Giltas now happily unconscious.  Nobody is surprised.
01:27 Lectral makes a play for Valentine.
01:30 Lectral makes a pass at Hayt.  Hayt is oblivious.
01:31 There is noone with a camera to record any subsequent
      passionate snogging.
 
01:33 (There was a camera.......)
01:35 Hayt seens two girls in slinky police outfits.  He
      expects to see Lectral following them but is disappointed.
01:40 Mortis now looking worse for wear. 
01:41 Mortis takes a photo of Hayt, Moonchild, Mats and a
      random female.  Random female asks everyone if they have any
      E.
01:42 Mengor just starts to warm up.
      [At this point the pen was lost, however, entries that
      were missed were:]
      Just as Mengor begins to hit his stride, the club closed.
      Mistress managed to wake Giltas up (method unknown)
      Readis and Mortis carried Valentine down the stairs of the
      club.
      [We then returned to the hall where we were staying and
      found another pen]
02:30 Returning from club, we assemble in Rathbone Hall for

      more beer.
02:31 Firelight is being horny.
02:32 Firelight is still being horny.
02:33 The man has got a constant hard-on.
02:45 Johann pulls out his waggler for all to see.
 
      People take turns to play with it.
02:50 Mistress recalls _all_ her divorces.
02:51 Firelight accuses Lectral of being a mudslut.
      No denials from the said party.
02:53 Mengor has fun with Johann's waggler.
02:55 Giltas starts to appreciate Johann's waggler.
02:58 Even Mistress finds a way to use the waggler in a
      positive way.
02:59 Readis fingers the waggler fiercely.
03:00 Mats and Valentine head off to bed.
      [separately, although they could have met up once out of
      sight]
03:01 Pussy Readis talks about going to bed.
03:14 Some talk of hedgehogs.  Probably started by Firelight.
03:15 All enjoy their beer.  Which is nice.
03:16 Mistress is always innocent.
      Mengor gets very overexcited by the waggler - his technique
      is a little too proficient.
03:18 Mistress admits that she wants to play with a waggler.
      Firelight drunkenly looks intrigued.
03:21 Mortis is a light-weight.
      Everybody decides that Mortis is a WUSSY!
 
03:22 Readis retires, a complete girl!
      Company left: Mengor, Hayt, Valdor, Giltas, Johann, Christia,
      Misti, Firelight, Lectral, Moonchild.
      Everyone else has wussied out!
03:24 Mistress has an emergency moment.
03:25 Mengor tries to swallow Johann's waggler.
03:25 Mengor does not swallow.
03:28 Mistress begs for a cigarette.
      Mengor is stupid enough to give her one.
      [cigarette that is]
      FAG BREAK!
03:35 Valdor almost destroys the log with an overdose of beer,
      but manages to wipe it off in time.
03:40 Mistress and Valdor claim that all RT's are innocence
      personified.  There is much scoffing.
03:41 Valdor will demedal all knight seconds on Monday, and
      Mistress will happily second them!
03:45 Odd graffiti noticed - 'Aeroplanes are gay'
      Much discussion of this ensues.
03:46 Mistress, Johann and Valdor play football with Johann's
      waggler.  Johann winces in pain as it heads for the plate
      glass.
 
04:15 Company head outside for a game of football.
      Mistress and Johann bang their heads together.
      Male bonding starts.
04:30 Most people now in bed.  Mistress and Firelight seen
      going into the same room.  Mistress is overheard saying
      that the bed is very small.
      [At least we think it was the bed that she thought was
      very small]
04:45 Mengor and Valdor persuaded to stay up later by the
      appearance of more beer.
04:50 Only 4 people left - Mengor, Valdor, Lectral and
      Moonchild........
      [Eventually even they went to bed...]

Next morning:
People who get up in time for breakfast:
Hayt, Readis, Mats, Valentine and Meister.
Johann is upset that no-one came to get him.

Readis goes to wake up Firelight only to find the bed unslept
in.  Readis begins to gather that something might be up (or
was that last night?).
 

Firelight reads the log and discovers that he was pissed
at 1am.  Firelight owns up to being in the same state still.

10:44 Everybody now in a Liverpudlian cafe.  It is quite
      upmarket really.  So are the prices.  People eat cookies,
      except for Lectral who is agog at the sugar content.  Lectral
      throws his cookie into the river.


        Final quotes:
        Meister (to Johann): You're supposed to use the large end of
        the spoon.
        Valentine: I can't remember what I did with my hands last
        night, but they are quite bruised now.
        'What a girl' is the comment from everyone else.
        Readis: Thank God I made it to breakfast...I feel great now.
        Johann: [is speechless]
        Moonchild: More caffeine! More caffeine!
        Hayt: *moans inarticulately*
        Mats: I think it was a very nice party.  I had lots of fun.
        *Newsflash* Hayt has chocolate stains on his trousers.
 
        Predictable remarks are made.
        Firelight: My head hurts like hell.
        [Was that your big or little head F?]
        Moonchild reiterates that Firelight is a wuss.
        Mistress: *fail caper*
        Valdor: Not sick....yet....
        Mortis: Ugg...
        Mengor: My first time was a success.
        [We presume he means the mudparty]
        Giltas just denies everything.

        Awards:
        The most pissed award goes to Giltas for passing out in the
        club.
        The snog award goes to Mistress and Firelight.
        [although Firelight was so pissed that he might have been
        incapable even of that]
        The white sock award goes to Mats.
        The obscenity award goes to Johann, for the proud display
        of his waggler.


 
        Summary: A great party.  Many thanks to Mistress and helpers
        for organising it all.  Let's have another party like this
        one soon.

[Polar]

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 9    ---



        So you want to create an area? Well, it's not as easy as it
        looks! First you have to come up with a winning idea, and
        not all ideas are good. In this issue of the _Times_ we look
        at some holiday-themed areas deemed unacceptable for the
        mud. For instance, rumored to have gotten the axe recently:

        ---


Welcome to Santaland! You are standing in the snow outside a little
red house. There is a snowman here, and a sign on the door.
  There are no obvious exits.
An elf.
An elf.
An elf.

>read sign
The sign says "Santa's workshop."

 
>exa elf
This is one of Santa's elves! How cute! The little fellow is dressed
in a green tunic and red boots with bells on the tips.
The elf says "Merry Christmas!"

>exa elf 2
This is one of Santa's elves! How cute! The little fellow is dressed
in a green tunic and red boots with bells on the tips.
The elf sings carols in a happy, piping voice!

>exa elf 3
This is one of Santa's elves! How cute! The little fellow is dressed
in a green tunic and red boots with bells on the tips.

>hmm
You hmm.
The elf dances a merry jig.
The elf sings carols in a happy, piping voice!
The elf dances a merry jig.
The elf says "Merry Christmas!"

>kill elf
 
You hit Elf.
Elf says: Eep!
Elf missed you.
Elf died.

>kill elf
You hit Elf.
The elf says "Merry Christmas!"
Elf missed you.
Elf died.

>kill elf
You hit Elf.
The elf dances a merry jig.
Elf missed you.
Elf died.

>enter house
The door is closed.

>open door
You open the door to Santa's house! Merry Christmas! Ho ho ho!
 

>enter house
Welcome to Santa's workshop! There is a workbench here covered with
toys for good girls and boys. If you are lucky, maybe you'll see
Santa!
  There is one obvious exit: out.
An elf.
An elf.
An elf.
An elf.
An elf.
Santa.

>exa bench
It is covered with toys for good girls and boys.
The elf sings carols in a happy, piping voice!
The elf dances a merry jig.

>exa toys
They are wonderful toys! But none of them are finished.
The elf dances a merry jig.
The elf dances a merry jig.
 

>get toys
You can't get the toys! They're not finished!
The elf says "Merry Christmas!"

>get toy
You can't get the toys! They're not finished!
The elf says "Merry Christmas!"
The elf dances a merry jig.

>exa elf
This is one of Santa's elves! How cute! The little fellow is dressed
in a green tunic and red boots with bells on the tips.

>exa santa
My, Santa is a big fellow! He sure is jolly! Ho ho ho!

>kill elf
Elf hit you hard.
Elf hit you very hard.
Elf missed you.
Elf hit you hard.
 
Elf tickled you in the stomach.
Santa roars!
Santa massacred you into small fragments.

You die.
You have a strange feeling.
You can see your own dead body from above.
The elf dances a merry jig.
The elf sings carols in a happy, piping voice!
The elf dances a merry jig.
The elf says "Merry Christmas!"
The elf dances a merry jig.
The elf dances a merry jig.


        ---

        Not very Christmas-y, eh? Well, let's try New Year's.

        ---


 
Yay! It's New Year's! And where are we? Outside an abandoned
warehouse! There's loud music playing, and you bet there's a rave
inside. Why don't you join in?
  There are no obvious exits.
 
>exa warehouse
It's dingy, and it almost visibly pulsates with the music.

>enter warehouse
Wow, it's dark in here! The music thumps all around you and you see
writhing bodies in the hypnotic lights that flash throughout the room.
  There is one obvious exit: out.
Johnny D.

>exa johnny
Johnny is very thin. He looks like he wants to sell you something.
The music thumps in the background.
Johnny sniffles.

> hmm
You hmm.
Johnny twitches convulsively.
 
Johnny smiles at you appealingly.

>score smack
You hand over 1000 gold coins and get your smack.

>take smack

You die.
You have a strange feeling.
You can see your own dead body from above.
Johnny takes everything from your corpse.
Johnny stuffs your corpse into a garbage can in the corner.
Johnny streaks out the door.
The music thumps in the background.
The music thumps in the background.
The music thumps in the background.
Johnny saunters back in. He's empty-handed but he looks richer, somehow.
Johnny sniffles.
Johnny twitches convulsively.
Johnny twitches convulsively.
Johnny smiles at you appealingly.
Johnny sniffles.
 


        ---

        So you see, mortals, just how hard it is to make a good
        area. Amazingly enough, both these areas were turned down by
        the admin, despite their pleas for more thematic areas!
        Well, you can't please everyone.

        That's all for now! Ta ta!

[Polar]

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 10   --



        ...Continued from last issue.

        EDITOR'S NOTE: The wizard Narya has taken recently to
        exploring the great void surrounding the world of Nanny,
        hoping to find debris or artefacts of the beginnings of the
        universe. Recently she discovered many old scrolls. Upon
        translation, much to her amazement and delight they turned
        out to be documents covering the most ancient history of
        Nanny. The NannyMUD Times has gotten the exclusive rights to
        publish the history revealed therein. So take a few minutes
        and read over these ancient stories: The Scrolls of Deep
        Time.

        ---

        And so it came to be that men and women became a force in
        this new world. They fought against the demons with both
        magic and arms. Tales of their brave deeds have not
        survived, though, for there no true stability could be found
 
        in such a system. A new world had to be carved out of the
        primordial chaos, even if in so doing the world as all knew
        it had to come to an end.

        Now, while there were many heroes in those days, one in
        particular stood out. This hero, whose birth name has long
        been lost to us, either found or was given or maybe even
        took by force a mighty sword of the ancient gods called
        Valjm. The hero then went out and killed many of the
        greatest scourges of that first of all worlds. He killed the
        most pernicious of devils, Rrnzk the crasher devil, and
        buried him beneath a block of gods'-stone: that today is the
        fundament of the world. He slew too Nflt the dumping demon,
        the source of much mischief and disorder, and scattered his
        corpse in thousands of pieces throughout the void. Lastly,

        he famously tricked Ppptptsk the pointer imp into looping
        'round upon itself and devouring its own body.

        But these mighty labors laid waste to the world as it was so
        that it no longer resembled supported even fragmentary life.
        Instead, all was quiet but dead and empty, a new void to
        replace the old. It is at this point that nearly all the old
 
        gods vanished. Where did they go? We can but guess that they
        went to other places and times where no bedrock has yet been
        laid, no sky yet lifted from the ground, no sea yet poured
        into the hollows of the world. Why did they leave? Well, we
        cannot know the minds of the gods, but it seems likely that,
        this world having been tamed, there was nought else for them
        to make or do here.

        Only Lars the Creator remained of all the gods. But here is
        how we know that the gods were merciful--as they left, they
        told Lars: "Let us leave this world, all but you. Give to
        the last surviving person in this world, the hero who slew
        Rrnzk, Nflt, and Ppptptsk, the task of making a new one. It
        is fitting that he who ended one world should begin
        another." Lars consented and first carved a shell out of the
        void. Into this he placed the god's-stone slab laid over
        Rrnzk's remains as the seed of a new world. Lars then turned
        to the hero and spoke to him of what was to be and laid the
        task of world-making on his shoulders.

        This hero first, using the blessing of Lars, made himself a
        god. Then he spoke in the Language of the Sea and built upon
 
        the great foundation-slab the bubble of a new world.
        He called this new world Nanny to commemorate his beloved
        grandmother who had died during the first battles with the
        demons. Lastly, he gave himself the name by which he has
        been known ever since, Mats. So it is that we call Mats God
        but Lars the Creator.

        Strange is the world! It floats in a sea of chaos still,
        spoken into being by the last surviving speaker of the
        Language of the Sea, bounded by the shell of the
        indestructible sky. It seems it should then be limited, but
        by the great magics of Lars and Mats its disc keeps
        expanding to reveal new lands. To this day, mighty mortals
        display their virtue and their might and are accepted as
        new wizards by the existing gods--just as Mats was--and
        these mighty wizards then conjure new lands into being
        through words alone, also like Mats. But their words are not
        so strong as those of the true Language of the Sea and they
        cannot change the underlying fabric of reality. Some whisper
        that the mightiest wizards can step out of this world into
        another and there speak in the Sea-Language again to effect
        lasting changes in the energies driving the world. But no
 
        one who walks only in Nanny can say for sure whether that be
        true.



---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 11   --



        Once upon a time (in fact only a couple of years ago)
        someone stole Santa's list of gifts. It turned out to be so
        popular that an anonymous mortal once again broke into
        Santa's workshop, stole his list of gifts, and mailed it to
        The NannyMUD Times. Here's what Santa's got in store for
        NannyMUD this Christmas.


        Frot gets 7 saturdays a week so he can be constantly drunk.

        Rowen gets a grant from the government to play Cthulhu
        24 hours a day.

        Village church gets 17 new pkers standing there for 14 days.

        Sword of Inifinity gets to last a whole hour without
        breaking.

        The Hunter's guild gets to remain closed.
 

        Firelight wins his lawsuit.

        Firelight's RL roommate wins the lottery.

        Readis gets the urge to code another area and returns to
        do so.

        NannyMUD actually gets an _upcode_ on some points.

        .ro gets a can't-get-demoted-for-2-weeks-pass.

        At least one area gets a decent piece of equipment.

        The US gets a president... maybe.

        Earendil gets a 10 cd box set with "The greatest fiddle
        songs ever recorded".

        Lectral gets all the Fraoch he can drink.

        Papyron graduates from elementary school.
 

        Sync gets to play the game again.

        Beldin gets his own shrink. In fact, he gets two.

        Cost gets a new quest to solve.

        The say command gets logged.

        Cthulhu gets an authentic Lovecraft t-shirt.

        Gurk gets a cucumber.

        Shrike gets a clue.

        The wiz-line gets a heated discussion about an upcoming
        presidential election in El Salvador.

        Mistress gets her own personal sponsor, Carlsberg.

        Oriole gets another area to explore.

 
        Dunstan gets another hallway with 1 mm carpet to sleep in.

        Banshee gets 10 of Santa's elves to help maintain her areas.

        Meep gets a years supply of rubber ducks.

        Ameno gets Nothel to eat less.

        Nothel gets two extra meals a day.

        Oak gets 9 clones of Belegur to kick all day.

        Valdor gets a job at Heineken.

        The Simyarin guild gets feature frozen for a year.
        No wait... It got that for the anniversary.

        Andra and Erendi's area gets a quest that, *gasp*, has
        something to do with elves.

        Gonstein gets another clueless newbie pk knight to kill.

 
        Antharis gets another 200 rooms with nothing in them for
        people with clients to speedwalk through.

        Snafu gets his name in The Guiness Book of World Records
        for being the spammiest mudder ever.

        Druids get a reason to play.

        Groo gets some cheese dip.

[Polar]

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 12   --



        WAITING FOR THE LOVE THAT KILLS - The Life and Times of
        Snuttegumma the Offensive Druid of Oaks


        I first came to this realm in the spring, about five yers
        ago. I came here to look for my elder sister Nippertippa,
        who had suddenly gone mysteriously missing. She had last
        been seen around the Khorne guild, so that is where I
        started looking. I started working from within, advancing
        ranks in the guild while trying to pick up information about
        my sister, but soon I found out that no one wanted to talk
        about her. The only rumours I managed to pick up were about
        some ghost, but that did not tell me much.

        Realising the futile in trying to find out more about my
        lost sister, I started to find myself. I had managed to work
        my way up to Daemon Princess, when I managed to abuse my
        first bug. I duelled myself in the arena north of the
        village church. I won, and I lost. I did not at this point
 
        realise that it was a good thing, but went back to the
        khorne, and worked my way up again. However, I quickly found
        out that this was not for me. Everyone in the guild were too
        busy gaining ranks of their own, and no one wanted to help
        me. No one wanted to help me gain ranks. No one wanted to
        help me with quest points. No one wanted to help me with
        quest points in return for mudsex. Not even the wizards, who
        should not be busy gaining guild ranks.

        Thus I left the guild, and became an adventurer. This guild
        also lacked mudsex activity, but I was told about the druids.
        They had potential. I joined the tree-huggers, and knew this
        was were I belonged. After a little while, I had mudsexed
        myself up to level 19. All the helpful wizards in this guild,
        not to mention the focused players helped me with quest

        points in return for small favours, and I became better and
        better at mudsex as well. Practice makes perfect. I also
        joined a lovely club called Femmes des Arbres, that
        concentrated on the feminine aspects of the druidic ways.
        I immensely enjoyed the information given to druids,
        especially a really juicy text about the guild head that
        could be found in the library.
 

        I found out that mudsex was all I actually wanted to do.
        I took every opportunity I could get. Mostly I did it with
        men, but a few females were willing. I must say, even though
        experimenting is nice, I prefer men. I like mudsex to be
        fast. Not a lot of foreplay, but a quick, rough climb to
        climax, and then a sudden end. I like exotic places, though.
        Doing it in the same old places tends to get boring quickly,
        and it seems to be harder to reach the climax there. Also,
        I've never really been fond of all the various toys that
        people like to use. They think it spices things up, but I
        like to keep it plain and simple. Perhaps a drink or two,
        and maybe a small rod to aid me. Some men have wanted to
        dominate me, but that is not for me. I like my freedom too
        much. Others have strange inclinations, wanting to use
        animals in the act. I never did understand why, really.

        All my relationships have been short, and it has always been
        I who have broken them up. I don't know if it's me or them,
        but I usually get tired of them after the climax. This seems
        to have upset quite many men. I know they probably don't
        like being dumped, but then they should take care to provide
 
        more lasting entertainment. I have at times re-acquainted
        men who I have had previous relations with. This seems to
        have worked well for a while, but often they have been even
        more angry the second time I dumped them.

        Lately, I seem to have been rather inactive, mudsex-wise. It
        may be that I'm getting old, and the urge is not as strong
        as it was in my younger days. It's no longer the same thrill
        to go out and hunt a suitable man. Also, my beloved guild,
        the druids, changed the set of rules set up by Mother
        Nature. A law against mudsex, or at least restricting it to
        the extreme, was implemented. I am very sad to see that this
        guild, that once embraced this culture now prohibits it.

        One day, I dream of finding the right man, the man that can
        really bring me what I desire, who can fulfill my most
        secret dreams. But until I find the love that kills, I will
        keep looking.




---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 13   --



        (Standard disclaimers: if we get lots of responses, we may
        not be able to publish yours for a little while. Please
        initially send us only ONE profile (i.e., if you have
        43 characters, pick your favorite for now, 'K?). Keep the
        responses reasonably short and free of expletives; we will
        edit lightly for grammar and length. Finally, we will try to
        pick and choose among the profiles for balance between guilds,
        gender, geographical distribution, etc., but will initially
        probably publish profiles of better-established characters.
        Mail Dunstan your profile.)


        ---


        PLAYER FACTS!

        What's your character's name?

 
        How long have you played Nanny, and how old is your
        character in RL time?

        What's your character's MUD description? (Age, height,
        weight, appearance, whatever you think appropropriate.)

        What's your story, in brief? (How did you arrive at your
        character's name, what sort of history does your character
        have, either in real life or in fantasy, what are
        his/her/your goals, etc.)

        What's your character's personality like? Are you grumpy or
        sweet? Do you give coins to newbies? Do you kill-steal? Are
        you a PKer? What, in short, are you like?

        What are your hobbies and/or playing style? Do you like to
        chat or to fight? Are you playing up your character or taking
        it easy? Are you an explorer or do you stick to the
        tried-and-true?

        How did you come to be in the guild you're in now? Did you

        pick it right off, have you bounced around ... ?
 

        What's your favorite area and why?

        What's your favorite pub or healing place and why?

        What would you tell a new player?

        Anything else we've missed? Tell us about it.

[Polar]

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 14   --



        Solutions for Hrodlauf's Quiz number three.


        1...What sound does the french fries make in Whimpy's burger
            bar when the chef puts themon the stove?

        A) PFFFFFFFT...
        B) FSHHHHHHH...
        C) FIIISSSSK!

        Correct answer: B


        2...Whose area features a Viking zombie?

        A) Boyd's.
        B) Mortis', along with the evil vegetables!
        C) The knights area, when they are attacked by Vikings.

 
        Correct answer: A


        3...What gender is the Knight's falcon?

        A) It is male.
        B) The poor thing has been made genderless to better focus
           on the hunting.
        C) Only a female can attack that furiously.

        Correct answer: C


        4...How much do you have to pay to get to travel with the
            fast airship to Antharis?

        A) You pay with your life (no wonder that few ever visits).
        B) 100 coins, cheap for some speed that.
        C) 1000 coins.

        Correct answer: B

 

        5...Who was guildmaster in the Kittens guild?

        A) Catwoman.
        B) Kat.
        C) Lysander.

        Correct answer: C


        6...What guild, except Knights can use bandages?

        A) Lepers Guild, they are trying to impersonate mummies and
           are envious of the vampires that are allowed to be
           undeads.
        B) Retired High Wizards Guild, who knows what evil rites
           they perform.
        C) Cult of Cthulhu, to help them trance and stand still for
           hours and hours they need some body support.

        Correct answer: A

 

        7...What does the Bailiff do with the donations that he
            collects from inhabitants of nanny?

        A) He distributes it to newbies.
        B) The money helps to fight organised crime in nanny.
        C) The money goes to unspecified charity-work, namely the
           Bailiff himself.

        Correct answer: C


        8...Who stands statue in Gore's park?

        A) A filthy-looking man.
        B) Jolena.
        C) Lan.

        Correct answer: B


        9...Whose area does one enter through an ear?
 

        A) Valhall's.
        B) Balin's.
        C) Lorenzo's.

        Correct answer: A


        10...What method was used to enter Valhalla before the
             present way, the climbing of a rainbow?

        A) Mount the horse Sleipner.
        B) Climb a rope leading into the skies.
        C) Call Odin.

        Correct answer: A


        The winner, and the first person to get all 10 answers right
        is...


 
                                 Decatur!


        Congratulations to the winner and thanks to all who
        participated.




---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 15   --



        - 1 -

        There was a green house.
        Inside the green house there was a white house
        Inside the white house there was a red house.
        Inside the red house there were lots of babies.

        What am I?


        Watermelon.

        Winner:  Mami.
        Runner up:  Yavathol.


        - 2 -

        Three Khornes walk into the shop and buy a rusty dagger.
 
        The shopkeeper says the price is 30 coins, so they each pay
        10 coins. Before they leave, though, the shopkeeper notices
        that the price is really 25 coins. Since 5 coins does not
        split 3 ways evenly, the shopkeeper gives each buyer 1 coin
        back, and pockets the remaining 2 coins. Each Khorne paid
        9 coins, totaling 27 coins, and the shopkeeper got 2 coins,
        making 29 coins altogether.

        What happened to the other 1 coin?


        Nothing. The 3 Khornes paid a total of 27 coins,
        making 25 coins for the shop and 2 coins for the shopkeeper.
        There is no missing coin.

        Winner:  Mami.
        Runner up:  Nos, Yavathol, Diabolo, Yaleah, Flibble,
                    Arthurdent


        - 3 -

 
        If it takes a clock 15 seconds to strike 6 o'clock,
        how long does it take to strike 12 o'clock?


        The riddle states that it takes 15 seconds for a clock to
        strike 6 o'clock.  Knowing this, one must allow for the
        interval of time between strikes (otherwise it would take
        6 seconds to strike 6) and therefore determine the time
        elapsed between each strike. The following table clearly
        outlines the entire thing:

        CLOCK STRIKING            TIME ELAPSED

        Clock strikes 1, pauses = 3 seconds
              strikes 2, pauses = 3 seconds
              strikes 3, pauses = 3 seconds 
              strikes 4, pauses = 3 seconds
              strikes 5, pauses = 3 seconds
              strikes 6 

        The clock has now struck 6 o'clock and 15 seconds have
        elapsed. This is what the riddles states.
 

        When the clock strikes 12, this is what will happen:

        Clock strikes 1, pauses = 3 seconds
              strikes 2, pauses = 3 seconds
              strikes 3, pauses = 3 seconds 
              strikes 4, pauses = 3 seconds
              strikes 5, pauses = 3 seconds
              strikes 6, pauses = 3 seconds
              strikes 7, pauses = 3 seconds
              strikes 8, pauses = 3 seconds
              strikes 9, pauses = 3 seconds
              strikes 10, pauses = 3 seconds
              strikes 11, pauses = 3 seconds
              strikes 12 and 33 seconds

        Winner:  Mami.
        Runner up:  Nos, Yavathol, Yaleah, Arthurdent, Nothel


        - 4-

 
        Roomhunt:


 You are standing in an dank cave. The floor is hardened by frequent use. The
 strong odor of human habitation assails your senses. The combination of foul
 body odors mixed with smoke and rotting garbage nauseates you. Flickering
 torches on the west wall cast a dim light. To the north you hear the sound of
 voices.
   There are two obvious exits: out and north.


        Solution:

        s, 9w, 6n, 2e, n, 2ne, e, 2ne, 2n, climb up, n,
        search bushes, enter

        Once again only one person managed to find the correct
        solution to the Roomhunt. Not surprisingly the bright
        knightess Oriole was the one to earn some easy money.

        Congratulations to Oriole.

 

[Polar]

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 16   --



        Here is another chance to earn a quick buck. The third in a
        string of quizzes from Hrodlauf.

        Solutions on the previous Quiz, number three, can be found
        in Hrodlauf's area and on the previous page of this issue of
        The NannyMUD Times. A toplist can be found in Hrodlauf's
        area.

        Solutions on Quiz number four will also be presented in
        Hrodlauf's Quiz in his area when Quiz number five comes out
        and in the next issue of The NannyMUD Times.


        Rules for the Quiz:


        For each correct answer 1 point will be given, so 10 points
        can be given to any player.

 
        The one that provides the first solution with 10 correct
        answers will be awarded a cash prize worth 5000 coins.

        Mail your solutions to Hrodlauf.

        Good luck.


        Quiz number four:


        1..What is the name of the island the Simyarin guild is
           located on?

        A) Isle of lost guilds.
        C) Isle of hope and despair.
        B) Island Ganennon


        2..What item can be bought in a nanny shop to prevent
           accidental multiplaying?

 
        A) The Tracker.
        B) The Life Saver.
        C) The Common Sense.


        3..What aura do players get when they earn paragon status?

        A) The aura of Elitism.
        B) The aura of Paragon.
        C) The aura of Glamour.


        4..Whose area features a Ghost of a former guild on nanny?

        A) Barbarella, with a monster namned "Ghost of the Damned".
        B) Edoras, with a monster namned "Ghost of the Prophets".
        C) Balin, with a monster namned "Ghost of the Kittens".


        5..What can you have in your own house in the playervillage?

        A) Parties with homebrewed beer.
 
        B) Your very own khorne rank 21 kill.
        C) Doors and useless but fun objects.


        6..What seperates the Blue Robe from the average pub
           in nanny?

        A) You have to be male and it has to be night in nanny for
           it to be open.
        B) You have to be very intoxicated in order to get in.
        C) You need to whisper "duck" to the bouncer to gain access.


        7..Who is Molt?

        A) A small, cute cat in Nasigoreng's area.
        B) A never killed dragon that is rumored to exist in
           Leowon's area.
        C) The elemental creature that initiate the attacks on
           basalt keep.


 
        8..What lurks underneath the sand in Mirage's area?

        A) A sandworm!
        B) An active volcano!
        c) Dwinbar's area!


        9..Why are Dannoc's areas daemons working so hard according
           to themselves?

        A) Because Dannoc wants the tunnels expanded.
        B) Because they are trying to reach rank 100.
        C) Because Dannoc was all out of digger lemmings.


        10..You cannot play this game In Xonder's area.

        A) Othello, a tatical game with black and white pieces that
           requires analytical skill.
        B) Monopoly, own green or shop, force your co-players into
           bankruptcy.
        C) Boggle, a game about good knowledge of words and a quick
 
           mind.





---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 17   --



        Puzzles. First person with correct answer wins. Mail all
        solutions to Dunstan and make sure the header refers to
        the puzzle solved.


        - Puzzle 1 -

        If 6 horses eat 6 bales of hay in 6 days, how many bales
        will 12 horses eat in 12 days?

        Prize: 500 coins.



        - Puzzle 2 -

        Rearrange the letters of GROW NO LINSEED to spell one single
        word.

 
        Prize: 500 coins.



        - Puzzle 3 -

        The ciphers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 must be put in the
        depicted square, in such a way that the sums of the numbers
        in each row, column, and diagonal are equal.

                                O-O-O
                                |\|/|
                                O-O-O
                                |/|\|
                                O-O-O

        How should the numbers be arranged in the square?

        Prize: 1000 coins.



 
        - Puzzle 4 -

        In front of you are 10 bags, filled with marbles. The number
        of marbles in each bag differs, but most of the bags contain
        ten marbles or more. Nine of the ten bags contain only
        marbles of 10 gram each. One bag contains only marbles of
        9 gram. In addition, you have a balance which can weigh in
        grams accurate, and you are allowed to use it only once
        (i.e. weigh a single time).

        How can you find out which bag contains only marbles of
        9 gram?

        Prize: 2000 coins.



        - Room Hunt -

        Room hunt. Once again we have got a room for you money
        hungry explorers. The rules are simple.

 
        Find the shortest route, measured in rooms travelled, from
        church to the room shown below. Solutions that include
        teleport spells or any other spells casted by players that
        enhance movement are not valid.


 This is a small clearing within the corn field, almost making it look like a
 small platform of grass. This could be the ideal place to have a small
 picnic. But something is weird about the place, something is very weird.
 Cornstalks surrounds the entire place, making it impossible to go anywhere
 but southwest. A scarecrow stands in the middle trying to carry out its
 purpose.
   There is one obvious exit: southwest.


        Prize: 5000 coins.


        Happy Hunting!




---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 18   --



        Finally. Another issue of The NannyMUD Times is out again.
        As usual we've got plenty of excuses not to be out on time.
        The main one being that we're only human, and we've got a
        life outside the MUD to tend to now and then. Anyway, no
        need to dwell on that more than already done. If you've
        always fancied the Times, I'm sure you'll be happy to see
        it out again, and if not... Oh well.

        Not a great deal more to say from here. We're still
        hovering around 20 pages/issue, but we're always looking
        for more material, just in case you've got a great idea for
        an article, or you're interested in writing something, or
        maybe even something third. New ideas are always welcome,
        and they won't get printed unless you tell us about them.
       
        In any case, it's time to go. Merry Christmas to those of
        you, who happen to like Christmas. And to those of you who
        hate it, well, Merry Christmas to you as well.


        On behalf of The NannyMUD Times' staff,

        Dunstan



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