The NannyMUD Times issue 1997 November.

[Polar]

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 1    ---
 
   Welcome to the November issue of the NannyMUD Times. Pay no attention to
the man behind the curtain.  Keep all hands inside the paper at all times.
All models over the age of 18.  Prohibited by law.  Do not use while
operating heavy machinery.
 
 
 A mudparty report will be included after an attending member writes one.

 Page 1)  Index
   That's this. If you really want to read it, you can read this page again.
 
 Page 2)  Announcements
   Various announcement pertinent to the mud that you should know by now.
 
 Page 3)  Interview
   Groo the Wanderer wandered through NannyMUD, and a reporter from the
   Times managed to snag him for an interview.
 
 Page 4)  Pklog
   Yet another one of these.
   
 Page 5)  Playerquestion
   What would _you_ do with a get-out-of-demote-free card?
 
 Page 6)  Last month's puzzles
   Solutions and prizes for last month.
 
 Page 7)  Puzzles and roomhunt
   More ways for you to earn money. Far easier than killing monsters, and
   more fun, too.
 
 Page   Pubreview
   Tsc's cozy little pub near the ocean was the selection for this month.
 
 Page 9)  D'oggies
   Another viewpoint on the Kittens guild.
 
 Page 10) Halloween poetry
   An all-too-familiar description of a mudder on Halloween.
 
 Page 11) Weddings
   A list of those who were married this past month.

 Page 12) Knightstory
   The first installment of a three-part series.  Fiction involving the
   Knights guild.  Approximately 35k.
 
 Page 13) Obituaries
   A farewell to the recently deceased.
 
 Page 14) Editorial
   Lonewolf's parting comments.
 

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 2    ---
 
 Some various noteworthy things happened in Nanny this past month.
 
 The Chef's guild was declared open on Friday, October 3rd; you can join it
by going to the Kitchen Entrance of Honeywheel Castle and talking to Henri,
the Executive Chef.
 
 Related to this, the Chefs Guild Public Gourmet Restaurant opened near the
Chefs Guild in Honeywheel Castle. It's a novel approach to pubs; give it a
try if you're in the area.
 
 Quant and Weronoop opened their areas in the middle of this month, and
they've each received some traffic. Most of you goldhounds have probably
frequented Quant's area already.
 
 There was a change in reality, and players now heal from being stuffed,
soaked and dry as well as intoxicated.  Most people haven't complained.
 
 Padrone's mirror maze collapsed, and spent about a day or two in ruins
before the hardworking admin returned it to a functional state.
 
 As all of the addicted players no doubt noticed, the mud was down for
several days about two weeks ago due to a lack of cooling in the computer
hall.  Fortunately for all of us, this was remedied quickly.
 
 A new pub in Grolldor opened.  While it's more out of the way than the
new Chefs Guild Public Gourmet Restaurant, it does provide some fine healing
and intoxication.
 
 
 The staff of the NannyMUD Times looks forward to another month of expansion
and improvement of the mud.
 
 

[Polar]

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 3    ---
 
 The following is an interview with Groo the Wanderer, who appeared in Nanny
 one fine October day.
 
 
Groo appears in a puff of smoke.
 
Groo says: I just saw myself appear. Where did I go?
 
Groo says: Where is your wood?
 
Lonewolf says: I have no wood.
 
Groo says: You said you needed a log.
 
Lonewolf goes 'ah'.
 
Groo says: Groo could cut down a tree for you!
 
Lonewolf says: Other people will read the log.
 
Lonewolf shakes his head and thanks Groo.
 
Groo says: Groo does not know how to read.
 
Lonewolf says: Groo, what do you think of Nannymud?
 
Groo says: Groo thinks there is not enough cheese dip.
 
Lonewolf says: So you want more cheese dip in Nanny?
 
Groo says: Also, I do not know how to get kopins! I kill monsters and all
           they have are these little yellow disks.
 
Groo says: How am I to buy cheese dip and roast pork without kopins?
 
Lonewolf says: Those yellow disks can be used to buy goods and services.
 
Groo says: I do not want goods and services! I want cheese dip and a place to
           sleep.
 
Lonewolf says: Yellow disks can be used to buy cheese dip and a place to
               sleep.
 
Groo says: Really? You would not LIE to Groo!
 
Lonewolf says: I would never lie to Groo.
 
Groo says: That is good! When people lie to Groo they are very sorry!
 
Lonewolf nods seriously.
 
Groo says: Even sorrier than they usually are to see me!
 
Lonewolf says: What else do you like about Nanny?
 
Groo hmms.
 
Groo says: I would like to join some frays. But I do not know how.
 
Groo says: Would you like to go get some kopins and cheese dip?
 
Lonewolf says: Not now, Groo.
 
Groo says: You are a wizard, are you not?
 
Lonewolf says: Yes, I am.
 
Groo says: Can you give me a fray?
 
Lonewolf says: No, I'm sorry. I recommend going to the Knights guild for
               that.
 
Groo says: Groo sees many frays in the village, but cannot join any of them.
 
Groo says: I try and try, and yet some magic force stops me!
 
Lonewolf frowns.
 
Lonewolf says: Magic force?
 
Groo says: I am told my conscience doesn't allow me to do that.
 
Lonewolf says: Pesky conscience.
 
Groo says: Groo does not know what a conscience is, but he is sure he does
           not have one.
 
Lonewolf says: You can rid yourself of it in the Dark Temple behind the
               church.
 
Groo says: Is there cheese dip there?
 
Lonewolf says: Sometimes.
 
Groo says: Groo will go there, then!
 
Lonewolf smiles happily.
 
Groo says: But I do not wish to be a knight.
 
Lonewolf says: What would you like to be?
 
Groo says: The knights have many rules.
 
Groo says: They also do not pillage! What good is it to have swords if you do
           not pillage?
 
Lonewolf says: Ah, would you like to be a Khorne, then?
 
Groo says: I do not want to be a wizard.
 
Lonewolf says: They kill and sacrifice.
 
Groo says: What is a Khorne? Is that not a kind of food?
 
Groo says: Groo does not like corn. Groo likes pork.
 
Groo says: And cheese dip.
 
Groo says: Wait!
 
Groo says: You say they kill?
 
Lonewolf says: Yes.
 
Groo says: But what is "sacrificing?"
 
Lonewolf says: Wallowing in the blood of the things you kill. It's rather
               fun.
 
Groo says: Groo does not want to wallow in their blood! He wishes to cut off
           their heads.
 
Lonewolf says: Ah, then you want to play a Dark.
 
Lonewolf says: They can cut off heads with the Great Wheel.
 
Groo says: I thought I had seen these "Khornes," though. I thought they did
           not eat their prey, but instead made it vanish.
 
Groo says: What good is prey if you do not admire it?
 
Lonewolf says: The Dark sometimes eat their prey.
 
Groo says: Really? Perhaps then Groo will be a Dark!
 
Lonewolf says: They might have cheese dip, too. Talk to Leowon about that.
 
Groo says: Why are they called "Dark," though?
 
Lonewolf says: Because they feel that the light of the sun is wrong.
 
Groo says: Maybe Groo would make a good Dark. People always say he is not
           very bright.
 
Lonewolf nods happily.
 
Groo says: But then how do they see to kill?
 
Lonewolf says: That's very true.
 
Groo frowns.
 
Lonewolf says: They can see in the dark.
 
Groo says: But how can you see in the dark without a light?
 
Lonewolf says: Magic.
 
Groo looks confused.
 
Groo says: I do not like magic!
 
Lonewolf says: No?
 
Groo says: Whenever there is magic, bad things happen.
 
Lonewolf ponders over some problem.
 
Groo says: I have killed many magic monsters, but then they always vanish.
 
Lonewolf says: What would you like to be, then?
 
Groo says: And I have eaten magic cheese dip, but then I was hungry an hour
           later.
 
Lonewolf says: Magic cheese dip gives me the munchies, too.
 
Groo says: I was told that it was not magic cheese dip, but Chinese food,
           whatever that is, but Groo knows magic cheese dip when he sees it!
 
Lonewolf says: Perhaps you would like to be a vampire?
 
Lonewolf says: They suck the blood of their kills.
 
Groo says: What is a vampire?

Groo says: Blood is not food. Pork is food. Cheese dip is food. A feast is
           food.
 
Lonewolf ponders over some problem.
 
Lonewolf says: Is blood cheese dip food?
 
Groo says: Do not try to confuse Groo!
 
Lonewolf would never dream of that.
 
Groo says: If you try to confuse Groo, he will teach you a lesson in
           confusing people!
 
Lonewolf says: Now, Groo, wouldn't it be a good idea to put your axe down?
 
Groo brandishes his swords.
 
Groo says: Groo uses swords!
 
Lonewolf says: Your swords, too.
 
Groo says: Groo is the best swordsman in many lands!
 
Lonewolf agrees with Groo.
 
Groo says: People are always telling me where to put my swords. I have not
           found the place where the sun never shines, though.
 
Groo says: Maybe the Darks would know?
 
Lonewolf says: I'm sure you'll find it someday.
 
Lonewolf says: I think Leowon would love to talk to you about Darks and
               cheese dip.
 
Groo says: Who is this Leowon you keep talking about?
 
Groo says: Is he a king?
 
Lonewolf says: Sort of.
 
Groo says: If he is a king, he should hire me to protect him.
 
Groo says: No harm will come to him without Groo knowing about it!
 
Lonewolf says: I don't think he needs protection, though.
 
Groo says: Why not? Everyone needs protection.
 
Groo says: Except Groo.
 
Groo says: See? I will show you!
 
Lonewolf watches Groo carefully.
 
Groo pushes Lonewolf over and stands on his chest.
 
Groo swishes his swords about Lonewolf's head, giving him a bad haircut.
 
Groo says: Are you not sorry now that you did not have protection from me?
 
Lonewolf says: Very sorry.
 
Groo says: If you hire me I will protect you from myself.
 

Lonewolf says: How much do you cost?
 
Groo says: So long as I am on the job, I will not kill you!
 
Groo says: At least not on purpose.
 
Groo says: I do not know what these little yellow disks mean. But I cost 20
           kopins a day.
 
Groo says: Plus cheese dip.
 
Lonewolf nods.
 
Groo says: Are there any women here?
 
Lonewolf says: A great many women. You can find a lot in the druids guild.
 
Groo says: All the women I have seen here do not look impressed by me.
 
Groo says: Who are the druids?
 
Lonewolf says: The druids are a group of treehuggers.
 
Groo says: I think I have known druids.
 
Groo says: Why would you hug a tree?
 
Lonewolf says: Don't ask me.
 
Groo says: It is better to hug women.
 
Lonewolf agrees.
 
Groo says: Trees are for chopping.
 
Lonewolf says: Have you chopped any druid trees? It's very fun.
 
Groo says: Will the female druids hug me instead of trees if I go to their
           meeting-place?
 
Lonewolf says: Perhaps.
 
Groo says: Groo will impress the female druids by chopping down many trees!

Lonewolf nods seriously.
 
Groo says: That is a very good idea, no?
 
Lonewolf says: They'll be impressed by that.
 
Groo says: Maybe then Groo will offer his services to the druids.
 
Groo says: Anyone who would hug a tree cannot be very smart.
 
Groo says: They need Groo to protect them.
 
Groo says: What are "quest points?"
 
Lonewolf says: Quest points are given in return for solving quests.
 
Groo says: Groo has gone on many quests!
 
Lonewolf says: Did you solve them?
 
Groo says: Where do I get these? Are they like kopins?
 
Lonewolf says: No, they're given for solving a quest. The amount is rather
               arbitrary.
 
Groo says: Groo has finished many quests! That is better than solving them!
 
Lonewolf congratulates Groo.
 
Groo says: Do not use that word!
 
Groo brandishes his swords at Lonewolf.
 
Lonewolf says: Which word?
 
Groo says: You said something was arbitrary!
 
Lonewolf says: Um, yes.
 
Groo says: Groo does not like that word! Groo is not arbitrary!
 
Lonewolf says: Groo is never arbitrary.
 
Lonewolf says: Groo is strong and brave.
 
Groo suspiciously puts his swords away.
 
Groo says: I am glad you recognize that.
 
Groo ponders.
 
Lonewolf says: As any fool can plainly see.
 
Groo says: Yes, I can plainly see that?
 
Groo says: See what?
 
Lonewolf ruffles Groo's hair.
 
Groo says: Do not make fun of Groo!
 
Groo brandishes his swords again.
 
Groo says: I once found an amulet.
 
Qqqq shouts: Sorry about that.
 
Groo says: Is that a quest?
 
Lonewolf says: It may have been.
 
Groo says: Who said that?
 
Groo says: Someone shouted but I did not see him.
 
Letharion shouts: heh, you caused that lag Qqqq?
 
Groo says: That happens often here.
 
Letharion shouts: do it again!
 
Lonewolf says: He shouted from a long way away.
 
Groo says: There is it again?
 
Groo says: He must have a very big mouth.
 
Lonewolf says: That's okay, he won't be shouting any more.
 
Qqqq shouts: Fighting evil daemons to keep the mud safe.
 
Groo says: Evil daemons?
 
Groo says: I would like to fight demons!
 
Groo says: Is that a quest?
 
Lonewolf says: Yes, it is. You can find some daemons and kill them and we'll
               all be happy.
 
Groo says: Yes, that would be good.
 
Groo says: How many of these "points" will I get?
 
Lonewolf says: Not as much as you want or deserve.
 
Groo says: Groo thinks he would rather hug the female knights instead of the
           druids.
 
Lonewolf says: Why is that?
 
Groo says: Groo likes women in armor.
 
Lonewolf nods.
 
Lonewolf says: They like you too.
 
Lonewolf mutters 'big, dumb, and hairy'.
 
Groo says: Who is big, dumb, and hairy?
 
Lonewolf says: No one, no one at all.
 
Groo says: Who are those strange little people with the funny sticks?
 
Lonewolf says: Funny sticks?
 
Groo says: Yes. Long black sticks and glowing books.
 
Groo says: Groo does not like books, especially when they glow.
 
Lonewolf says: Ah, those are the Enchanters.
 
Groo says: They cast spells, but they do not call themselves wizards. Why is
           that?
 
Groo says: Hey!
 
Lonewolf raises an eyebrow.
 
Groo says: You were not saying that Groo is big, dumb, and hairy, were you?
 
Lonewolf says: No! Never.
 
Groo says: You had better not!
 
Lonewolf agrees.
 
Groo accidentally demolishes a table.
 
Lonewolf frowns.
 
Lonewolf says: I liked that table.
 
Groo says: Groo is sorry.
 
Groo says: Groo will find you a better table!
 
Lonewolf says: Lonewolf doubts it.
 
Groo says: That will be my quest.
 
Lonewolf says: Good. If you can solve that quest, I'll give you many kopins.
 
Lonewolf says: And cheese dip.
 
Groo says: Then I will get these quest points and cheese dip and roast pork
           and kopins and lady knights.
 
Lonewolf says: Yes. Get many lady knights; they're in need of someone like
               you.
 
Groo says: You did not answer Groo's question.
 
Lonewolf says: Which question?
 
Groo says: Why do the enchanters not call themselves wizards?
 
Lonewolf says: Oh. Because the wizards in this land are those who no longer
               quest.
 
Groo says: All the wizards I have known are very interested in quests.
 
Lonewolf says: They also make cheese dip.
 
Groo says: They DO?
 
Lonewolf says: Yes. The wizards don't quest, but they can make cheese dip.
 
Groo says: If they do not quest, perhaps then I can help them!
 
Lonewolf says: Yes!
 
Lonewolf says: Now go on your quest, and find a table, and get cheese dip,
               and hire yourself out to wizards!
 
Groo says: You are a wizard, yes?

Lonewolf says: Yes, I am.
 
Groo says: I will help you!
 
Lonewolf says: You still owe me a table.
 
Groo brandishes his swords again.
 
Lonewolf says: Or not.
 
Groo says: Groo will get you many tables!
 
Groo says: Groo does what Groo does best!
 
Lonewolf nods in relief.
 
Lonewolf says: Many tables, yes. And some lady knightesses while you're at
               it.
 
Groo says: I hear there is a round table in the knights' castle.
 
Groo says: I will get that one!
 
Lonewolf says: Nod, it's time to put that one to good use for a change.
 
Groo says: Groo will have a fray, too, do you think?
 
Lonewolf says: Yes, I think Groo will have several frays.
 
Groo says: Or will they just give me the table?
 
Lonewolf says: You might have to ask several times.
 
Groo says: Groo would rather have a fray than a table.
 
Lonewolf says: You get the table at the end of the fray.
 
Groo says: Are you sure you would not rather have a fray than a table?
 
Groo says: Groo can give you both!
 
Lonewolf says: Right now, I'd rather have a table and an aspirin.
 
Groo says: What is aspirin?

Lonewolf says: Aspirin is a painkiller. It makes headaches go away.
 
Groo says: I hear there is a wizard called Pain. You wish to kill him?
 
Groo says: Groo can do that, too!
 
Lonewolf says: No, no, I'm used to that Pain.
 
Lonewolf says: I think Groo should go get that table from the knights.
 
Groo says: Oh. That is good. Groo always ends up in trouble when he tries to
           kill wizards.
 
Lonewolf nods.
 
Lonewolf says: Don't forget to hug the knightesses when you get the table.
 
Lonewolf lightly shoos Groo towards the door.
 
Groo says: You are not trying to get rid of Groo, are you?
 
Lonewolf says: No, no, never.
 
Groo says: Groo will leave when Groo chooses to leave!
 
Groo says: And you will be glad of it.
 
Lonewolf says: Groo chooses to leave now.
 
Groo says: I do not!
 
Lonewolf is always glad around Groo.
 
Groo says: You cannot make me!
 
Lonewolf says: Groo, there is no cheese dip here. Why do you want to stay?
 
Groo says: Groo does not like to be told to leave. Groo is great hero!
 
Lonewolf says: There is cheese dip on the round table.
 
Lonewolf says: Much cheese dip. And roast pork.
 
Lonewolf says: A great feast.
 
Groo says: Oh, well, then, that is different.
 
Lonewolf says: And lady knightesses, too.
 
Groo says: Groo will go there, then, and bring you back your table!
 
Lonewolf says: Yes, good Groo.
 
Lonewolf says: Groo will earn a doggie treat.
 
Groo rushes towards the door.
 
Groo says: I do not want a dog!
 
Groo says: I already have one!
 
Lonewolf says: Yes, of course you do.
 
Lonewolf says: Groo will earn many kopins!
 
Groo says: Groo does not see a door. Are you sitting on it?
 
Lonewolf says: No, the door is marked 'church'.
 
Groo says: Oh, I see.
 
Groo says: I do not wish to go to church, though, I wish to go to the round
           table!
 
Lonewolf says: You have to go through church first, then you can go to the
               round table.
 
Groo says: Groo will search, then, starting at the church.
 
Groo says: Goodbye, wizard!
 
Groo says: I am glad to have met you!
 
Lonewolf says: I hear the knights have their round table somewhere far north
               from the church.
 
Groo says: I will bring you back a table!
 
Lonewolf says: Explore all around there.
 
Lonewolf thanks Groo.
 
Groo says: Groo will go north. Which way is that?
 
Lonewolf points northwards.
 
Groo points southwards questioningly.
 
Lonewolf points northwards.
 
Groo says: Do not try to fool Groo!
 
Lonewolf says: Never.
 
Groo says: That is good.
 
Lonewolf says: All that cheese dip, just think of it. All for you, once you
               find the round table.
 
Lonewolf says: Now _GO_.
 
Groo says: Goodbye, wizard! I will soon return!
 
Groo leaves church.
 
Lonewolf doesn't bet on it.
 
 
(The NannyMUD Times regrets the quality of this interview and hopes to
 obtain better subject matter in the future.)
 
 
Groo tells you: Wizard? I have run into a wall.
You told Groo: Keep looking.
 

[Polar]

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 4    ---
 
 Submitted by Failure.
 
 
 
Skrog is fully alert.
> cff
** BP: 109/288
You feel the magic power surrounds you as you chant the spell.
> pp skrog
You point at skrog and release the spell.
You summon a fire elemental.
> You feel Hunger.
** BP: 108/288
l
You are standing in a quite dark crypt. However, you
can see that the walls are clad with dark blue velvet.
  There is one obvious exit: south.
buy firebreather
drink firebreather
put bottles in @container elemental.
Acid the greater druid (nice).
Skrog the master druid (neutral).
Statue of Catwoman.
Statue of Halamer.
Statue of Brago.
Statue of Profezzorn.
Statue of Cray.
Statue of Qqqq.
Statue of Traste.
Statue of Goreon.
Statue of Oriole.
Statue of Greowe.
Statue of Zahrim.
> The fire elemental engulfs you in a giant fireball.
Your guardian angel absorbs the fire.
The fire burns Acid the greater druid (nice).
The fire burns Skrog the master druid (neutral).
The fire elemental burns out and fades away.
Acid grazed Skrog.
Skrog hit Acid.
Acid tickled Skrog in the stomach.
Skrog hit Acid.
Acid missed Skrog.
*Press return for more or q to end. >
Skrog tickled Acid in the stomach.
B Im mean
[Bloodline] Failure: Im mean
> Acid missed Skrog.
Skrog hit Acid hard.
Acid grazed Skrog.
Skrog hit Acid hard.
Acid grazed Skrog.
Skrog hit Acid.
Acid grazed Skrog.
Skrog hit Acid.
Acid grazed Skrog.
Skrog hit Acid.
B how can 2 pks stand idle below church
Acid grazed Skrog.
Skrog hit Acid.
[Bloodline] Failure: how can 2 pks stand idle below church
> Acid hit Skrog.
Skrog grazed Acid.
Acid missed Skrog.
Skrog hit Acid very hard.
Acid hit Skrog.
*Press return for more or q to end. >
Skrog grazed Acid.
[Bloodline] Lilith whispers: Mindeye went linkdead.
Acid missed Skrog.
Skrog hit Acid.
Acid missed Skrog.
Skrog hit Acid hard.
Acid grazed Skrog.
Skrog hit Acid hard.
Acid grazed Skrog.
Skrog grazed Acid.
[Bloodline] Lin: muie!
Acid tickled Skrog in the stomach.
Skrog hit Acid.
Acid missed Skrog.
Skrog hit Acid.
Acid missed Skrog.
Skrog hit Acid.
l
You are standing in a quite dark crypt. However, you
can see that the walls are clad with dark blue velvet.
  There is one obvious exit: south.
Acid the greater druid (nice).
Skrog the master druid (neutral).
Statue of Catwoman.
Statue of Halamer.Statue of Brago.
Statue of Profezzorn.
Statue of Cray.
Statue of Qqqq.
Statue of Traste.
Statue of Goreon.
Statue of Oriole.
Statue of Greowe.
Statue of Zahrim.
> Acid missed Skrog.
Skrog hit Acid.
Acid tickled Skrog in the stomach.
Skrog hit Acid.
[Bloodline] Lin: si pe voi va salut!
Acid missed Skrog.
Skrog hit Acid hard.
Acid tickled Skrog in the stomach.
Skrog hit Acid hard.
Acid missed Skrog.
Acid died.
*Press return for more or q to end. >
B Acid and skrog is killing each other now
[Bloodline] Failure: Acid and skrog is killing each other now
> sb
** BP: 133/288
You slowly drain corpse of Acid of all blood.
> gg
You take six pure waters and 4476 coins.
> s
Center of the crypt <u e w n ne s se nw sw>.
> Lilith claims her tribute.
n
The Northern Crypt <s>.
A withered husk.
Ghost of Acid.
Skrog the master druid (nasty).
Statue of Catwoman.
Statue of Halamer.
Statue of Brago.
Statue of Profezzorn.
Statue of Cray.
Statue of Qqqq.
Statue of Traste.
*Press return for more or q to end. >
Statue of Goreon.
Statue of Oriole.
Statue of Greowe.
Statue of Zahrim.
 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------


---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 5    ---
 
 This is the Playerquestion for the NannyMUD Times.  What would you do with
 a get-out-of-demote-free card, and why?
 
 
Damarella replies to you: sorry ?
Mistoffo tells you: Laugh hard.
Rhuarc tells you: how about you going to hell?
Dixy replies to you: a get out of demote ?
[-Druids-] Earendil tells you: was that a real tell?
Dixy replies to you: meaning....
[Simyarin] Myleonax: what is a demotecard?
[-Druids-] Oak tells you: siteban lysator.liu.se ... for no good reason.  just
           because it'd be fun.
Arx replies to you: wrong line
Dixy replies to you: to undemote smb ?
Mellissa tells you: dunno..
Tender tells you: Do something stupid...
Mistoffo tells you: I'd delete all the messages on all the boards, if only for
         a moment free from clutter, it'd be worth it.
Arathorn replies to you: Kidding about demote right? That was a question?
Anduril replies to you: and what does that card mean...technically??
Robinson tells you: ?
[-Druids-] Oak tells you: if not a little annoying.
Nite tells you: er...not that i know what it is...but i would give it
     away...cause i dont think i would get demoted for doing nothing
[Simyarin] Gnimmelf: I dont know???!!??
Tremere tells you: I would give it to Mishra. Seems like he needs it.
Zer replies to you: give it to Mishra... he will need it with his sence of
    humor...
Shanta tells you: I would be very bored.
Dixy replies to you: tell me !
Bakata replies to you: what is a get-out-.... card?
[Simyarin] Narya tells you: I would get a quest cheat sheet, cheat my way to
           wizard, get demoted, and use the card. I would do this because I
           need an absurd number of QP to wiz, and I'm lazy.
Fruitbrain replies to you: Team up for some quests.

Pabby replies to you: destroy it, coz noone should be able to escape if an
      arch/high/plain wiz wants you demoted
Mari tells you: hmm.  I'd party together with my Khorne, get me a lot of xp and
     money, and then make them into guildpoints =)
Cheri tells you: i would give it to someone i don't want to get demoted, and i
      have someone in mind, but i won't day who
Nomeansno tells you: I would probably harass Lonewolf until he erases all his
          characters.
Screamer replies to you: well, hi norsk lonewolf, if i know what "get-out..."
         means, maybee i could answeer your question...
[Simyarin] Myleonax: someone asked me what to do with a get-out-of-demote-free
           card
Fruitbrain replies to you: Being a monk and second is hard...
Pabby replies to you: enough?..
Snafu tells you: hmm...code more get-out-of-demote-free cards and sell them to
      players
Lakshmi tells you: maybe put a wc 10000 aggressive monster at green ;^)
Cheri tells you: if you can't use the card, give it to me
Herby tells you:  a card that prevents my wiz from being demoted for one time?
Leowon tells you: Give it to someone more deserving. You need one?
Nomeansno tells you: Cuddle, cuddle.
Guilty tells you: anything... I'd be guilty anyway.
Radym tells you: I don't think I would use it, since I surely was demoted for a
      good reason
Rhuarc tells you: heh, i wouldnt need a get_out_of_demote_card
Herby tells you:  a card that prevents my wiz from being demoted for one time?
Mystick tells you: give it to mishra, cuz he needs it more than me
[-Druids-] Oak tells you: i'd also seriously consider setting up the Gold Coin
           Flubber Machine -- put 1 gc in, get 10 gc out.
[-Druids-] Oak tells you: make PK's login point jail.
[Simyarin] Myleonax tells you: I would save it and give it to someone who didnt
           deserve it, because I would never do anything to deserve that :
[-Druids-] Oak tells you: or place Pet at green.
Screamer replies to you: u need to train more shield bash, u know
Leowon tells you: I don't know what I'd do really either... You think it would
       allow me to get the root password at Lysator?
Thumper tells you: dest the admin, bomb the daemon room, pee into the hard
        drive and poop on the tape backups
Thumper tells you: do i win?
Azroth tells you: I dunno..sell it to a bad wizard?
Rhuarc tells you: hmm, i would give the card to mishra so he wouldnt get
       demoted for having made the Haters-of-Charisma club
Thumper tells you: why: Coz Brom would have a heart attack, and then I could
        rip off his shirt and perform CPR on him *cream*
Rhuarc tells you: heh, so he would have time to remove the feelings and
       still have the club open
Weifcr tells you:
         (Censored due to wizinfo. The NannyMUD Times does not have one of
          the cards, and thus dares not print this comment.)
Nuit tells you: Dest the next graffiti artist that decorates my wiz's workroom.
     Why? : I hate being pestered.
Thumper tells you: what do I win, what do I win? Do i get a free get out of
        demote card?
 



---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 6    ---
 
 The following puzzles were the puzzles for October 1997.
 
 Herman Rumplemeir, our local butcher, has grown in stature and girth
 since coming to work here some 20 years ago. Some interesting facts
 concerning Herman are:
 
   At age 20 his waist size was 92 cm and his weight was 77 kilos.
   At age 30 his waist size was 96 cm and his weight was 82 kilos.
   At age 35 his waist size was 104 cm and his weight was 93 kilos.
   At age 40 his waist size is 114 cm. What does he weigh?
 
 Prize: 1000 coins.
 
 Skeeve:
   My guess for puzzle #1 is 106 kilos, using cube-square relationship.
 Incorrect.
 
 Obelisk:
   Herman Rumplemeir will weigh 106 kilos at age 40
 Incorrect. 
 
 Gabe:
   He weighs meat, because he's a butcher.
 Correct. 1000 coins earned.
 
 Rrr:
   (1) Using a mathematical optimisation technique, I have concluded that
   his weight can be estimated from:
   (0.374246*waist)+(0.00511*waist squared)-(0.03399*age), which gives a
   new weight of 107.7116kg. In conclusion, then, he weighs meat - it's his
   job.
 Correct. Honorable mention.
 
   
   
   A------B
   |      |
   |      |
   |      |
   D------C
 
 Four bugs were positioned on top of a table in a square pattern. Each bug
 was exactly ten inches away from the bug that it was facing. (The bugs are
 facing so that if they were to start moving, they would move clockwise.)
 If each bug started crawling simultaneously, and at a constant speed,
 toward the bug that it faced (A to B, B to C, C to D, and D to A), what
 distance had each bug traveled when they all met?
 
 Prize: 1000 coins.
 
 Rrr:
   (2) Ten inches (because they will maintain a constantly perpendicular
   relative motion which means that each one's target will neither be
   moving towards or away from it, or something like that).
 Correct. 1000 coins earned.
 
 
 Many years ago, an elderly king, his son and daughter, weighing 195 pounds,
 105 pounds, and 90 pounds, respectively, were kept prisoners at the top of
 a high tower in Grimsley Castle. The only communication with the ground
 below was a cord passing over a pulley with a basket at each end. When one

 basket rested on the ground the other was opposite the window. Naturally,
 if one basket were more heavily laden than the other, the heavier would
 descend; but if the excess on either side were more than fifteen pounds,
 the descent would be so rapid that none of the prisoners could control it.
 The only thing available to help them in the tower was a cannonball,
 weighing 75 pounds. Still, they managed to escape. How did they do it?
 
 Prize: 2000 coins.
 
 Skeeve:
   They drop the cannonball, use it to lower the daughter, lower son raise
   daughter, toss the cannonball down, raise the cannonball and sone lowering
   the king, toss out the cannonball, lower the daughter and raise the
   cannonball, raise the daughter and lower the son, toss out the cannonball
   again and lower the daughter.
 Correct. 2000 coins earned.
 
 Rrr:
   (3)
   1:Put cannonball in upper basket. It falls. Put daughter in other basket.
   She (90 lbs) descends & cannonball (75lbs) rises.
   2:Keep daughter in lower basket, remove cannonball and put son in higher
   basket. He (105lbs) descends and daughter (90lbs) rises.
   3:Drop cannonball, put it and son in lower basket (180lbs), put king
   (195lbs) in top basket. He lands safely & son rises to top again.
   4:Repeat steps 1 and 2 to get son down again.
   5:Put cannonball in lower basket and daughter in higher basket to get
   her down.
 Correct. Honorable mention.
 
 Hiding in a pub somewhere is that ne'er-do-well, Nicotine Ned. It seems that
 Ned has fallen on bad times and cannot even afford to buy a decent pack of
 cigarettes. He is forced to roll his own with the help of that famous
 invention, the Rapide Cigarette Maker. For tobacco, he saves the butts of
 previous smokes. He can make one cigarette from three butts. Tonight he has
 saved ten butts, from which he expects to make five cigarettes. It sounds
 impossible, but Ned has a plan. Can you smoke out his modus operandi?
 
 Prize: 5000 coins.
 
 Rrr:
   (4)
   Start with ten butts
   Make three cigarettes and smoke them - four butts left.
   Make one cigarette and smoke it - two butts left.
   Borrow a butt, make one cigarette, return the borrowed butt.
 Correct. 5000 coins earned.

 
 You are on the top the mountain, among the clouds which rush quickly past.
 You have a fantastic view of the valley.
   There is one obvious exit: down.
 A tall tower.
 
  Prize: 5000 coins.
 
 April had a solution of "from green 4w,12n,nw.2n,u", 20 moves.
 Oriole had a solution of "2e,n,4w,enter mirror,5e,enter mirror,d,out",
  or 16 moves.
 Oriole wins the prize.


---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 7    ---
 
  _
 |_|_
 |_|_|
   |_|
   |_|
 
 Lay out sixteen matches as pictured, so that they form five squares all
 the same size. Now, reposition two of the matches so taht there are only
 four squares the same size. It sounds easy, but ...
 
 Prize: 500 coins.
 
 
 Many years ago Boondock Bentley was out hunting. After walking through the
 snow all day he arrived, cold and exhausted, at his cabin deep in the
 forest as night was falling. In his cabin he had a pipe, an oil lamp, and
 a wood-burning stove. Unfortunately, he had only one match. Which item
 should Bentley light first?
 
 Prize: 500 coins.

 
 An ancient wise man was working on the 'steel band' problem. He put a
 steel band around the earth at the equator, then cut the band and added
 ten feet to it. Some magical force how holds the band an equal distance
 away from the earth. What is this distance? (Assume that the radius of the
 earth is 4,000 miles and use 3.14 for pi.)
 
 Prize: 1000 coins.
 
 
    _ _ _ _
 | |  _ _  |
 | | |   | |
 | | |_| | |
 | |_ _ _| |
 |_ _ _ _ _|
 
 Lay out 35 matches in the spiral shown above. Now, move four of the
 matches to new positions so that three perfect squares are formed.
 
 Prize: 1000 coins.
 
 
 First Scholar: "Drat, I can't find the answer in any of these books. Please
                 read that puzzle to me again."
 
 Second Scholar: "Now, let me see. Oh, yes, here it is: 'Take away my first
                 letter and I remain unchanged; take away my second letter
                 and I remain unchanged; take away my third letter and I
                 remain unchanged; take away all my letters and still I
                 remain exactly the same.'"
 
 First Scholar: "What in the world could the word be?"
 
 Prize: 2000 coins.
 
 
 When a wagon is in motion, does the upper part of each wheel move faster
 than the part of each wheel nearest the ground? Since a wheel is a solid
 object that revolves around a central point, any two points on the wheel,
 each of which is the same distance from the hub, must move at the same

 rate of speed. If, in fact, both points move at the same rate of speed,
 then they should cover the same distance during a given period of time.
 "Oh, yeah," says Vamilio. "Then how do you explain the fact that when you
look at the wheel of a passing wagon the spokes in the upper half of the
 wheel seem to be blurred while the spokes in the bottom half can clearly
 be seen and even counted if the car is moving slowly enough. Is this an
 optical illusion, or is the top half of the wheel really moving faster than
 the bottom half?"
 What do you think? Do points a and b, marked on the top and bottom of the
 front wheel, travel at the same rate of speed, or does one of them travel
 faster than the other?
 Please include a justification for your answer.
 
 Prize: 5000 coins.
 
 
 
 The following is the description of the room hunt for this month. As before,
 no teleportation or movement enhancement through objects like seven-league
 boots, et cetera.
 
 
This is a small, ruined chamber with a low ceiling. Once mosaics must have
covered all the walls, but now most are ruined from years of moisture and
temperature changes. Only a few are left. At the west end of the chamber is a
*Press return for more or q to end. >
simple altar.
  There is one obvious exit: up.
 
 Prize: 5000 coins.

 
 

[Polar]

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 8    ---
 
 
This month we will review Enrico's Fish Restaurant located in Tsc's tiny
realm on the scenic East Coast.  It is fondly referred to as 'fish' amongst
the Simyarins, who (as evidenced by their patronage) clearly have a
controlling interest in this establishment.  The location is not convenient
for those of us who do not have the ability to teleport in and out, but the
pub itself has some worthy rewards in terms of healing and charm.
 
You can reach Enrico's from the north or the south, but the quickest route is
to head eastwards from the church through the village, turn right at the Sea
of Claws and follow the coast east.  It would actually be a pleasant walk if
it weren't for your feet sinking in the soft sands of the Sea of Claws and
the chance of lag impeding you from healing expeditiously.  Exact directions
to the entrance of the restaurant are:  s; 5e; 4s; se; 2e; se; 2e; 2se; 2s;
w.
 
It is here at the entrance where you will usually bump into a few of the
regulars.  Don't expect visible energy or excitement, as most if not all the
people loitering outside Enrico's are Sims and way too drunk to do much more
than burp, weave, stumble about and attempt to learn new spells.  Many mud
clients are operational as these characters methodically get blasted in a
carefully timed sequence.
 
Outside the restaurant, the smell of salt and seaweed mingle with the aroma
of hard-to-believe-but-true really great seafood.  Breathe in the atmosphere
for a moment if you have the time, as Redbeard the Pirate may hobble in and
make you smile.  He hates adventurers, will freely bop you on the head and
throw out an insult here and there, like "Has your mother been raped by a
donkey or were you dropped on your face when you were young?" or "I want to
kill you and feed you to my parrot." 
 
He's got a soft side though, and the tough persona is just a cover-up for a
rather frightened man.  While researching for this review, I approached him,
and we actually had a conversation.  I was curious about his wretched
appearance as he has a peg-leg, a hook for a hand and a patch over his right

eye.
 
I said, "Don't mean to get too personal, but you're kind of a mess.  How did
you lose your leg?"
 
Redbeard grimaced and said, "Fell off the ship several years back and before
those flea-bitten mates of mine could haul me back in, a shark decided my leg
was din-din."
 
"Ouch," I replied, "What about that hook you have at the end of your arm?"
 
"Oh, this?"  He held up his right hand.  "Got wasted one night and foolishly
agreed to duel a guy from Caerleon .  As I stumbled, his swing caught my
wrist," he said as he sliced the air with his good hand.
 
"Ew...  how come the patch?"  I asked.
 
He said, "Grrr.... a seagull shit in me eye."
 
"A seagull shit in your eye and you lost it?"  Redbeard nodded. "Since when
did seagull shit claim an eye?"  I asked.
 
"Well," said the pirate, "It was the first day with me hook."
 
After that, I started to feel a bit sorry for the smartass baddie, so if you
do see him around Enrico's show him a modicum of respect.  He's only capable
of unending verbal abuse unless you make the first move, plus he's far less
irritating than Harry.
 
Enrico's Fish Restaurant sits on top of a cliff overlooking the ocean, and
you begin to imagine how incredible the view will be.  You go north and enter
a small, but cozy room.  Looking out the windows, you see the view is indeed
breathtaking--the waves rolling in, crashing against the rocks...   This
could be an ideal venue for a romantic dinner for two, but it ain't cheap.
 
I have never seen Enrico in the flesh.  Apparently he spends the majority of
his time traveling about, looking for good deals on alcohol and seafood.
Georg, the manager of Forellenhof, is credited for keeping the restaurant up
and running when Enrico is M.I.A. 
 
The menu on the cloth-covered table includes:
 
        1.  Tunafish Sandwich & Beer            10 gc  (2hp/2 sp)
        2.  Herring & Schnaps                   55 gc  (10hp/10sp)
        3.  Shrimps & White Wine                90 gc  (15hp/15sp)
        4.  Crabfish Omelet & Red Rioja         160 gc (25hp/25sp)
        5.  Lobster & White Beaujolais          300 gc (25hp/25sp)
        6.  Caviar & Champagne                  400 gc (50hp/15sp)
 
Curious why Nos. 4 and 5 had similar rewards, I asked a patron, "What's the
deal?"  Apparently, the lobster and white Beaujolais makes you drunker,
thereby allowing the effects of the alcohol-induced high to last longer.
"When Sims are toxed, they get 4hp/8sp per click," he told me. The patrons at
Enrico's are clearly there to get wasted, not healed.
 
The only suitable meal for newbies is the tunafish sandwich and beer, and
unlike the Rose and Dragon, there is no bottle to refund.
 
Kerbos manages to get intoxicated in a fairly inexpensive way, choosing
herring and schnaps as his poison.  It is served with bread and cheese, which
helps to cut the heavy salty flavor of the fish.
 
Skeeve's favorite is the shrimp and white wine combo.  These peel and eat
"pink little rascals" are served with mayonnaise for dippage.  At the time of
this report, Skeeve's plan read, "Have fun with funky spell combos."  I tried
to speak with him about Enrico's, but he was obviously having too much funky
fun undressing the shrimp to respond. 
 
Speedy is addicted to the omelet and caviar combinations.  The omelet is
loaded with crabmeat and garnished tastefully with red peppers, complimented
by a rather good Red Rioja.  However, the chef has outdone himself with his
presentation of Dom Perignon champagne and Beluga caviar, which is
accompanied by a dozen butter crackers and sliced lemon to create a salty
taste sensation.
In closing, as quaint and friendly as Enrico's Fish Restaurant can be, it's
really not one of those locations that will ever find itself on your Top Ten
Most Traveled Places.....unless you're a Simyarin.
 
Eat, drink and drink some more!
 
 

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 9    ---
 
De Frequently Asked Quesshuns uh de D'oggies Guild, dig dis:
 
De D'oggie and his Deo'y, dig dis:
 
Q: So...whut be dis guild about?
A: Dere be a dude called De D'oggie.  What it is, Mama!  He gots'ta some
   deo'y, de D'oggie Deo'y.  Slap mah fro!  De D'oggie Deo'y gots'ta solve
   everydin'.   Currently, if ya' add everydin' in de universe togeder, it
   should equal zero.  It duz not.  If ya' add da damn co'rect D'oggie Deo'y
   t'everydin' else, it gots'ta come out as zero.  Derefo'e, de co'rect
   D'oggie Deo'y duz 'esist as some fo'ce.  What it is, Mama! What ya' do
   be ya' try t'help him find da damn co'rect deo'y (dere are dousands uh
   mildly inco'rect variants) and modify de deo'y (and derefo'e reality)
   t'yo' own advantage.  What it is, Mama!
 
Q: D'oggies.  Dat's likes baby d'ogs, right?
A: No.
 
Q: So whut *is* de D'oggie Deo'y?
A: De co'rect D'oggie Deo'y holds de key t'changin' de universe.  What it
   is, Mama!  Dere are many variants uh de D'oggie Deo'y.  Slap mah fro! 
*Press return for more or q to end. >
   De D'oggie  be goin' t'try and wo'k drough all uh dem, until he finds
   de right one.  What it is, Mama! 
 
Q: Where do ah' fit into dat?
A: Sheeit, ya' help him out.  You's contribute spellpoints t'help him
   along, and it plum so happens dat if ya' tweak some few numbers here
   and dere, some monsters gots' some tendency t' git hurt.
 
Q: Won't changin' de numbers likes dat hurt De D'oggie?
A: No.  De co'rect deo'y gots'ta wo'k wid any set uh numbers.
 
Q: So it's plum a deo'y?
A: It's some deo'y outlinin' some fo'ce, rada' likes de Deo'y
   uh Gravity is.
 
Q: So if it's as powerful as gravity, dat means we really rock,
   right?
A: Sheeit, unlikes oda' guilds, we  duzn't gots'ta spend all uh our
   time practicin' dull powers, and unlikes oda' guilds, ya' will
   *always* be able t'kill at least some few monsters.  De D'oggies

   Guild and its powers are indeed strong.  However, if ya' are
   in some dark room, de natural wahtahmellun t'do be to light some lantern,
   not, say, change da damn nature uh light so's dat it kin penetrate
   de walls uh de room dat ya' are in.  'S coo', bro.  Changin' universal
   constants be not some precise wahtahmellun, no' be it some very supa' fine
   wahtahmellun at times.  (See backlash.)
 
Q: So be dis de D'oggies Guild o' de D'oggie's Guild o' whut?
A: De guild be run by De D'oggie and made down uh members called
   d'oggies, so's it kin be co'rectly referred t'as De D'oggie's
   guild, de d'oggie guild, de D'oggies Guild, o' de D'oggies'
   Guild. 
 
Q: Will De D'oggie git mad if ah'  duzn't capitalize his dojigger?
A: He's gots big-assga' din's t'wo'ry about.
 
Q: What happens if de deo'y gits t'100%
A: One uh two wahtahmelluns.  If dis be de co'rect version uh de deo'y,
   den sump'n really big-ass and baaaad happens.  No-one be entirely
   sho' nuff whut.  If dis be not da damn co'rect version, den it wo'ks
   fo' some little bit, den snaps. 
 
Q: Snaps?
A: Yeah.  Somedin' happens.  To everyone in de guild.
 
Rules, dig dis:
 
Q: So...whut are da damn rules?
A: Sheeit, since ya' ax'ed...
  1) Don't bait someone else into boogiein' de rules.
  2) Don't annoy de D'oggie.  What it is, Mama!
  3) Don't kill oda' d'oggies.
  4) Don't steal kills.
  5) Do baaaad.
 
Q: Do baaaad?  You's kin't legislate mo'ality.  Slap mah fro!
A: True.  What it is, Mama!  ah' sdownpose dat ya' could discourage it, dough.
 
Specializashun:
 
Q: What be specializashun?
A: Sheeit, sometimes De D'oggie decides dat da damn deo'y would
   wo'k some bit betta' if certain creatures wuz wasted, and certain
   creatures wuzn't wasted.  He declares dat, fo' instance,
   dat da damn wo'ld needs less goblins, less creatures whose dojigger
   begins wid de letta' 'N', and less lizards.  It be suggested
   dat ya' kill dem, cuz' if ya'  duzn't, De D'oggie gots'ta stop
   wo'kin' cuz' he duzn't likes bein' igno'ed.  You's git some rader
   supa' fine combat bonus against dese creatures. 
   
Q: What be reverse specializashun?
A: Pretty much de opposite uh specializashun.  You's kin't hit
   dose creatures as sheeit.
 
Q: ah' can't find any creatures uh d'ogego'y x.
A: Sheeit, ya' ain't 'espected t'find monsters in all dree d'ogego'ies.
   If certain wizards area duzn't gots' enough creatures, o'
   dere ain't enough monsters uh species x, scribble some note on
   de specializashun bo'd.  If dere's an area o' species
   dat ya'd likes t'see specializashun against, again, use da damn
   bo'd.  De D'oggie eyeballs dat bo'd and may modify de
   direcshun uh his wo'k in response.  What it is, Mama!
 
Q: Monsters in d'ogego'y x are too tough fo' me t'kill.
A: Den let da damn big-assga' guildmembers kill dem.  'S coo', bro.  If, fo'
   instance, ya' git some bonus against monsters uh race
   dragon, in Qqqq's area it still may not be advisable fo' ya'
   t'attack Pet.

Q: But wait some minute.  What it is, Mama!..if de co'rect deo'y wo'ks
   wid any numbers, why duz it matta' which monsters die?
A: In certain situashuns, de deo'y be easia' to test.  It's a
   lot easia' to predict an object's velocity, fo' instance, if
   dere be no air resistance.  What it is, Mama!  By killin' certain
   monsters, youse eliminatin' resistance.  What it is, Mama!
 
Backlash, dig dis:
 
Q: What be backlash?
A: Backlash be whut happens if ya' bend da damn deo'y too far.  Ah be baaad..
   When ya' use certain powers which bend da damn deo'y, ya'
   gots' some chance uh sump'n bad-ass happenin' t'ya'.  Dat's
   backlash.
 
Q: It said sump'n about backlash, den ah' couldn't move no'd
A: Yep.  Backlash be usually some bad-ass wahtahmellun.  Sometimes, dough
   it's really bad-ass.

 
Q: ah' gots backlash and sump'n baaaad happened t'me.  What it is, Mama!
A: It duz dat sometimes too.
Q: ah' gots backlash and ah'  duzn't know whut happened t'me.  What it is,
   Mama!
A: Dat's some baaaad sign.  'S coo', bro.  When backlash be really bad-ass,
   it usually lets ya' know.
 
Q: What be de blade uh wrad?
A: You's duzn't wanna know.
 
Focus Healin':
 
Q: What's some focus and why do ah' gots'ta heal it?
A: Focus be de verb.  Sheeeiit.  You's are focusin' yo' healin' t'eida'
   mental o' physical.  If ya' gots' some betta' dojigger fo' it, let me
   know.
 
Q: Why kin't ah' cast dis while I'm runnin' some decrease speed spell?
A: Too complid'oged.  Bod uh dose powers require some fairly majo'
   crimp uh de deo'y.  Slap mah fro!  You's aint powerful enough t'do bod.
 
Q: But why kin't ah' be da damn target uh a speed spell while I'm focusin'?
A: A'cuz dat would put ya' in de middle uh two big-ass crimps in
*Press return for more or q to end. >
   reality.  Slap mah fro!  Dat be a bad-ass, bad-ass wahtahmellun, and
   da damn D'oggie be supa' fine enough to not let ya' do dat.
 
Q: So...whut happens?
A: In all cases, de speed spell wins ova' de focus.
 
 
Culture, dig dis:
 
Q: You's use two spaces afta' puh'iods.
A: Yep.  Dat's de way we do wahtahmelluns in America.  Sheeeiit.  Makes ya'
   feel patriotic, duzn't it?
 
Q: One uh de titles be 'Rainbow Chaser'....
A: Dat's cuz' I likes rainbows.  *Not* cuz' a certain
   special-interest grodown happens t'be usin' rainbows as
   deir logo.  Dat title isn't an endo'sement uh anydin'
   'sept da damn D'oggie.  What it is, Mama!
   
Q: So whut are da damn politics uh de D'oggies Guild?
A: De D'oggies Guild officially sdownpo'ts baaaad wahtahmelluns and
   be officially against bad-ass wahtahmelluns.
 
Q: Why dun did mah' scribblin' git removed fum de library?
A: Books 'esist at mah' leisho' nuff.  ah' gots'ta try t'scribble
   ya' some letter, which may o' may not 'esplain why ah'
   removed yo' scribblin'.  Only de guildmaster, leftenant
   guildmasters and admin may remove scribblin's.  If ya'
   feel dat some scribblin' should be removed, let us know.
 
Q: Who be in charge here?
A: Guildmaster, dig dis: Lysander
   Leftenant Guildmaster, dig dis: Halamer
   2nd Leftenant Guildmaster, dig dis: Weifcr
   3rd Leftenant Guildmaster, dig dis: Alainysi
 
Q: Future plans?
A: Maintain dis guild.  Code anoda' guild.  Code anoda' quest.
 

[Polar]

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 10   --
 
  Halloween Decisions
 
 It's Halloween on Friday night
 And parties everywhere
 So need to figure out a plan
 Of what I'm going to wear.
 
 To be a clown, an astronaut
 or maybe Frankenstein
 Perhaps a ghost, a bumblebee
 a scarecrow should be fine.
 
 To go to Ben's or Jill's or Joe's
 I'll have to check with Pete
 To see if he cares where we go
 To party, drink and eat.
 
 To carve the pumpkin, yes or no
 It's quite a messy chore
 And then to have it smashed by kids
 Is such an utter bore.
 
 To lock the cats up after dark
 Might be a worthy plan
 Since local witches chop them up
 From what I understand.
 
 To pass out candy, hmm I should
 The little kids are dear
 I'll have to go buy stuff for them
 I wonder what this year.
 
 Enough of this, it's too much work
 I fear I am a dud
 Cuz gonna stay at home tonite
 And eat and drink and mud.
 
  //Mystick
 
 
 (And a surprising number of us did.)
 
 

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 11   --
 
   The following are the players who tied the knot this past month.
   
 
 Strafe was married to Serminta by Gabe Sat Oct  4 21:18:59 1997
 Lillen was married to Elfin by Lectral Sun Oct  5 03:19:42 1997
 Vici was married to Kzaragh by Iver Mon Oct  6 04:06:47 1997
 Lestat was married to Velvet by Snafu Wed Oct  8 23:10:14 1997
 Sheena was married to Lectral by Lectral Sun Oct 12 04:25:35 1997
 Hebe was married to Ulrik by Ulrik Sun Oct 12 23:46:41 1997
 Ecstasy was married to Zephra by Onomato Sun Oct 19 02:33:36 1997
 Iver was married to Charisma by Charisma Sat Oct 25 00:32:02 1997
 Deedlit was married to Fyghter by Iver Tue Oct 28 03:32:55 1997
 Scully was married to Peregrine by Snafu Tue Oct 28 09:16:06 1997
 Athos was married to Mellissa by Mistress Thu Oct 30 21:59:33 1997
 Windmachine was married to Wind by Shanta Fri Oct 31 20:13:46 1997
 
 Sheena, the staff at the NannyMUD Times recommends dressing up in a
 sheep costume to get a little more action out of Lectral. Nudge nudge.

[Polar]

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 12   --
 
"Prolific!" raved the editor of the NannyMUD times...
 
It's
 
                                Knightstory -- The Return
 
Defeated and trampled in 'Knightstory', the evil Mordred returns, but this
time he's prepared!  With the help of his luscious half-sister, he's
unbeatable.  Starring Elysia and Mari, the twin darlings of Nanny.  In
supporting roles:
 
                                        The Good Guys
 
        Marbleleaf:  the melancholy knight who's in the twin's affection.
 
 
        Mithandros:  the errant knight, disillusioned and seduced by
                     darkness.
 
        Erani:  commanding and strong, innocently appealing...she receives
                kudos for a vivid performance.
 
        April:  forceful yet gentle, this knightess is harboring secret
                feelings for...
 
        Jenayle:  this spunky knightess who brightened the scene in
                  'Knightstory' has returned for a second brilliant           
                  appearance!
 
        Orpheus:  raging with just as many hormones as he is in real life!
                  "Stunning," raves Anonymous of the Anonymous board.
       
                                        The Bad Guys
 
        Mordred:  cruel, sensual, and crazed...he's a villain with style!
 
        Morganna:  she concocts an evil scheme that rocks Camelot to the
                   foundations.
 
        And with such shining faces as:
                                 
        Whistler        Myrkul        Tmo          Alexander
        Drakath         Ripples       Phade        Joss   
        Saxy            Jokah         Gompie       Silencer
        Mistress        Darkling      Maelstorm    Bowen
 
                                        and introducing
 
        Mary the Barmaid
        Locker Daemon (in a stunning performance)
        Jonas the Storeroom clerk
        Gwalchmai the falconer (returning cast member)
        Priest
 
                                with a special appearance:
 
                          Mats, the God of Nanny
 
        And many more!  It's an all-star cast, full of laughs, passion, high
        emotions...and that's just the beginning.  So sit back and enjoy...
 
                                Knightstory -- The Return
 
 
        Mordred angrily slammed a fist on the oak table, neatly splitting it
down the middle.  "What do you _mean_ Xhsr'athisnth won't cooperate?  That's
why you're all here...to _make_ him cooperate."  He glared at his top
officers, who were regarding the cracked table with fear.  Shaking his head,
he suddenly began to laugh, and turned away.  Nervously, the officers began
chuckling, unaware of what they were laughing at, but trying to appease the
rather violent man in front of them.
        Spinning around, his smiling lips suddenly set in a grim line, Mordred
narrowed his eyes.  "You think this is funny?"  The air around him crackled
with tension and magic.  Raising a finger, and pointing it at the nearest
person, a general, he muttered a single word.  In a flash of emerald light,
where there was once an obese, balding man in an ill-fitting uniform, there
was only a pile of rags and the smell of singed flesh.
        As one, the entire assembly looked first at the pile, then at each
other, and then at Mordred.  All traces of laughter, nervous or real, had
disappeared.
        "The next man to laugh when I'm obviously upset will meet an even
worser fate."  They groaned inwardly.  Well, there goes Tibbons, they thought.
Yesterday, it was Emond and Velzer.  Being promoted in Mordred's military
outfit proved to be very dangerous.  He was mad, they knew...why, he'd
turned Velzer into an ant, and squashed him between his fingers.  Crazy.
Absolutely, utterly, completely crazy.
        A young, unbearded officer raised his hand hesitantly.  An older,
*Press return for more or q to end. >
experienced cabinet member kicked his foot in warning.  Mordred rolled his
eyes to the ceiling and said "Yes?"
        "W-well, sir..." he stuttered, "T-the Demon Lord said that once he
was v-vi-v-v..."  Mordred, as well as the other council members, frowned as
they tried to understand him.  "Spit it out," Mordred pressed.
        "V-v-victorious over the Knights, he n-next planned on coming for you. 
He even ate one of t-the ambassadors.  W-we assumed that you would never want
h-h-him for an ally..."
        Mordred frowned, a pensive look in his eyes.  "Did I say he wouldn't
be a good ally?"   
        The young man promptly answered.  "N-no, s-s-sir, you've never
said..." One poof later, there stood a donkey in his place.
        "'Assuming makes an ass of you and me'," Mordred recited in his best
school-teacher voice.  "Now, we need a much stronger force for our next
attack on Camelot, since those damned zombies are always so unsuccessful."
He cast an evil glare at the necromancer who huddled in the corner.  "The
only way we can destroy Camelot, I mean take it apart stone by _stone_ is
with help.  Is that much understood?"
        The men nodded. 
        "Good.  I'm glad we're all on the same wave-length here.  Now, I
wonder if you'll understand this.  You'd better make the demon lord an offer
he can't refuse.  Because if he _does_ refuse, you'll all end up where young
Zetter is."
        The congregation gulped, each man peeking out of the corner of his
eye at the pitiful donkey.  Zetter hawed, then swung his tail around a few
times. Mordred negligently waved a hand, and there stood several clearly
marked vats of glue.  "Are we all agreed on this?"
        "Yes, Sir!" they barked.
        "Then Yaten...you've gotten that promotion you wanted.  You're to
take Tibbon's place.  Don't fail me."  The man in question nervously spun a
signet ring around his thick finger, and nodded painfully.
        "You're dismissed."
        They almost leaped from their seats, half-walking, half-running
toward the door.  Mordred chuckled to himself.  A little intimidation had its uses.
He left the conference room and strode down the grey-bricked hall, stopping
after a few feet and opening a door with several runic symbols inscribed
upon it.  The magician conspicuously glanced down the hall, first one way
then the other, before ducking into the opulent chambers. 
        Morganna stood at the stained-glass window, her small hands raising to
push the panes outward.  Before her stood a bleak and dreary
landscape...the same one she'd seen since the fateful day Mordred had been
cast into this dimension by that meddling idiot Merlin.  Day after day, the
same overcast sky with clouds that never dissipated.  Day after day, the
same eerie moan that swept the brown and dying plains.  Closing her eyes,
she remembered the blue skies and lush green valleys of Nanny.  This more
destitute mockery of that ripe paradise made the sweet fruits of the
Druidic trees seem far lovelier than they'd ever been.
        She inhaled sharply, the faint scent of death widening her nostrils.
There were times when she lived for the Knight's attacks...for with them,
for a brief instant when Merlin opened his enchanted gate to allow them
entry to this sullen land, they brought the breezes of sunny skies with
them.  The rather heavy atmosphere was brightened dramatically when the
first burst of cool air came from the portal.  And the Knights!  Bedecked
in such vibrant colors, that were natural as breathing to them...the colors
that she had to magically reproduce, for they weren't to be found here. 
        She imagined the mounts they sometimes rode in on, shimmering coats
brushed and curried.  White...snow white, she amended. The horses here were
pale imitations, bones showing through their skin and long scraggly tails
brushing the ground.  And the lady Knightesses with their ruddy
complexions, full of health and life.  She envied them...not their
country-maid type beauty, but their abundance of breathing, living, _sexy_
men.
        She instinctively spun around.  "Mordred," she breathed.  "You
frightened me."
        "What were you thinking about?" he wondered curiously.  Growling, she
fiercely made a decision. She knew how to bring the Knights down, and it
would be her ticket into the land of sweet spring breezes.  "What is it,
woman?" he pressed.
        "I have an idea," she smiled angelically.  "It will get you Camelot
on a silver platter."
        Mordred frowned.  "You?  An idea that will claim me Camelot
...one that I haven't thought of already?  Don't make me laugh."  He fell
into the nearest lounge chair, sprawling comfortably.
        "Ah, but dear brother," she started again, her voice saccharine sweet.
"You've been sending men to do a woman's job."  She stood and began pacing,
a light transforming her face.  "Your downfall, brother, and the fall of
many kingdoms and dynasties, was a woman."
        "Rub it in," Mordred mumbled.
        "Yes, brother, I'll rub it in...because you should learn from your
mistakes.  I can walk into Camelot, and cause it's destruction through a
few well-placed kisses and by fluttering my lashes.  You've been trying for
more than half a century now."  She clenched her fists. "While I've been
here, damn near meeting my death everytime those Knights decide to strike
us.  I'm tired of this life, brother.  I want the fresh breezes of a
countryside again.  Open that damned portal and let me go try."
        "Very stirring," he muttered sarcastically.  "What can you possibly
do to capture a prize which I, Mordred, have failed to?  A castle that every
demon lord in hell has attempted more than once?  Trolls, vikings...even
Xhruel, in his mad power, has never tamed that place." 
        "Then it shouldn't hurt to let me try," she demanded.  "What other
choice do you have?  One would think that you'd be very willing to try
anything after over half a..."
        "Allright, you little harpy.  I'll consider letting you have your way.
What do you plan on doing then?"  Morganna smiled ferally.  She walked over
to the chair and knelt at his side, her features illustrated as she told
him her idea.  And as moments passed, long silent moments after she'd
finished telling him her plan...he smiled.  Then began laughing, shoulders
shaking.  Suddenly, he reached out and snatched her into his lap, pressing
a kiss against her throat.
        "That, dear sister, is precious.  And I have to admit that it's much
better than simply having you here in the castle, pretending to be a Knight
or Knightess." He grinned down at her.  An almost warm light came to his
eyes, and Morganna gasped softly as began nuzzling her ear.  "For that,
sweet pet," he whispered, "You deserve to be thoroughly pampered."
        Beleagured with visions of seduction, and hours of being stroked,
petted, kissed and caressed, Morganna nodded eagerly in agreement.  "I do,
don't I?" she smiled.
        Mordred softly kissed her at the corners of her mouth.  "You do...but
not now.  We have other things to take care of."  He bounced up and out of
the chair, and she fell ungracefully to the floor with a gasp.  He
nonchalantly stepped over her, and walked toward the door, spinning around
once more.  "Freshen up, dear.  You must be presentable."  With that, he was
gone.
        A howl went through the castle as the sorceress threw back her head
and expressed her frustration.
 
*       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       
 
        "Ho, there!" A cry rose through the castle as the pearly amber-cloaked
figure rode through the gates.  "Ho, there!" she cried in greeting.  "The
state of things?" she questioned curiously as she lifted her leg and
dismounted.  The page to whom she'd handed the reins grinned toothily at
her.  "No hide nor hair of the bastard, Knightess," he said.  "I hear
Merlin's hard at work trying to open a portal there, though...so you might
want to quickly get equipped."  She noticed his hand flutter briefly to the
dagger at his side.
        "Thank you, Drakath, I shall do that, first thing."  She gave Melody
an affectionate pat on her white flank.
        "You're welcome, Elly!" he waved.
        Elysia left the stables and strode quickly through the gates and into
the cool shade of the main hall.  She peeked into Arthur's office, spying him
scribbling something onto a fresh piece of papyrus.  Obviously ill-at-ease
stood a white-cloaked figure.  She smiled, striding into the room.  The
small grail at her side flashed briefly, but she shrugged it off.
        "A new addition to the tradition of Camelot?" she queried, smiling
warmly.  The cloak spun wide as the person turned around, and she gasped.  It
couldn't be..."Mithandros, is that you?"
        Suddenly, the sullen features of the attractive man before her became
animated.  "Elly!" he exclaimed, instinctively opening his arms.  She ran
toward him, throwing herself into his welcoming embrace.  "It's been
forever, Mithy," she sighed into his light khaki shirt.  "Where have you
been?  What have you been doing?  Everyone around here has been pretty
close-mouthed about you, I'd started thinking that maybe..."
        The taller Knight placed one finger to her lips.  "I'll tell you
about it just as soon as Arthur here is finished rewriting my scroll."
        "Re...what?"  Elysia stood there in amazement.  "What's going on?"
she asked, confusion apparent in her doe-brown eyes.
        "I'll explain it to you as soon as I can," he promised again.  "But
right now, I'd go get equipped, if I were you," he cautioned.  "Merlin's hard
at it, trying to get past Mordred's barrier without alerting him."
        "I know, I know," Elysia reluctantly left his embrace and walked
toward Arthur, bowing to give him a light kiss on the forehead.  "Hello,
Arthur," she smiled warmly.
        "Hello, Elysia," he said fondly.  "How are things today, daughter?"
        "Things are well, father," she acknowledged him with a deep and
humble curtsey.  Briefly touching her grail in salute to the old Knight, she
backed away, drinking in the sight of her long-gone friend almost
deliriously.  "I'm off.  I'll be in the RT chambers if you need me, Mith."
        He nodded, and turned to Arthur, who was smiling fondly at Elysia. 
She waved at them both, then turned and strode across the hall, curious as to
how Merlin was doing in his task.  Assembled knights idled outside of the
door, chatting quietly among themselves.  Elysia stood on tip-toe and
peeked through a glass window, her small hands clutching the sill.  From
behind her, she felt two big, capable hands lift her for a better view.
She glanced down.  "Tmo!" she gasped.  "What _are_ you doing?"
        "Well, I'd thought maybe you needed a little help," he grinned. "Not
everyone can be blessed with my height, you know."
        Elysia poked her tongue out at him, then turned her attention to the
white-bearded figure on the other side of the door.  Merlin's thin,
speckled blue-cloaked frame was suspended in air, his toes barely scraping
the floor.  His hands held onto an orb, which was brightly flashing emerald
and amber.  Before him, a dot slowly grew in the center of a pentagon.  It
began shimmering, and was soon a fist-sized portal through which Elysia
could see a familiar, dreary vista.
        "He's doing it," she murmured.  Ripples shook his head.  "He actually
had it large enough for us to go through, when it collapsed.  So we can't be
sure if this is _it_, or another false alarm."
        "Yeah," Whistler smirked.  "By the time he gets that portal open,
Mordred will be here and breathing down our necks."
        "Nah," someone inserted.  "He'll stop long before then.  He can't
take the chance."
        "Why is that?" Elysia turned curiously to the speaker.  Myrkul bowed
before her, kissing her hand lightly.
        "That is because, sweet Lady," he grinned appealingly at her, "If
Merlin and Mordred chance to open a portal at the same time..." his voice
dropped melodramatically, and then his hands flung wide, whacking the
unfortunate Knight who stood directly behind him.  "Ka-boom!" he emphasized. 
"It would blow the entire castle to bits," he whispered grimly.
        There was a gloomy silence for a moment.  "Always the actor!" someone
chirped, breaking the tension.  Myrkul gave a sheepish grin.  "Okay, so
maybe I'm exxagerating," he admitted, chuckling.  "But...that's the general
idea.  It would cause an explosion."
        Whistler nodded.  "That's why we hardly ever do this.  Too much of a
chance being taken."  He slid to the floor and took a seat on his neon
green cloak.  "But even still...that will never happen."
        "What makes you say that, man?" Tmo dropped Elysia to the floor,
placing his chin on the top of her head and wrapping his arms around her
tightly.

        "Merlin knows when Mordred is about to open a portal," Whistler
commented.  "He's a magician, he's got some magical way of telling.  So he'd
hardly keep at it at the same time as Mordred.  Far too chancy.  It could be
very dangerous."
        The congregated knights nodded.  "That's true," nodded Ripples.
        Whistler stretched his hands high above his hands and yawned.  He
winked at Elysia.  "You'd best go get equipped, though.  He's been at it for
a fair while."

[Polar]

 Elysia raised an eyebrow.  "Trying to get rid of me?" she poked her
tongue out at the grinning Knight.  "The instant you leave, we're going to
talk about you," he affirmed.  "You have to leave sooner or later."
        She nodded quickly.  "Don't speak _too_ badly about me while I'm
gone," she smiled, tilting her head back and licking Tmo on the chin. 
Spinning around, she gave his torso a tight hug, and stood on tip-toe.  "My
kiss?" she asked, closing her eyes and pouting cutely.  "One kiss, coming
up," he grinned, lifting off of her feet and giving her a full, rather
dramatic kiss.  There were a couple of cat-calls and whistles when he put
her down, flushing from head to toe.  She jogged away, waving at her
brothers. 
        Elysia peered down the corridor.  I'll make a quick stop by the
message board, she thought, detouring.  She walked past the pool room and the
pub, peaking in each and waving at the occupants.  Soon, she was standing
before the cluttered board, with notes dangling from every empty spot.  She
sighed.  Leave Camelot for more than a day, and when you return there's
close to fifty notes posted in your absence.  She skimmed over them. 
        One note in particular caught her attention.  Titled 'Retired RTs',
she pulled it down and gave it her full attention.
        "How can one consider themselves a candidate for a full retirement,
bronze grail and all the fanfare, when they've been members of the Round
Table for less than a few months?" the note asked.  Elysia read on, her
cheeks blooming with each barbed reference to her 'vacation' from service. 
        "The bastard," she breathed, recognizing the distinctive handwriting. 
The signature at the bottom merely affirmed the fact.  "Oh he's such an arse,"
she thought aloud.  The petite Knightess glanced around, until she spotted
the tiny oak table that held an assortment of quill pens and small sheets
of papyrus.  She pinned the note back to the board, then snatched up a
sheet.  Fiercely scribbling, she signed the sheet with a flourish and a
satisfied smile.  "That will show him," she growled, pinning the note
directly beneath his.
        She smacked her hands together, as if she were wiping dust from her
fingertips.  She took another glance at the board, but found nothing else
of immediate importance.  She turned her head and glanced into the
recreation room, considering taking a look at the board for jokes and idle
chatter.  She narrowed her eyes as she spotted a tall, dark-haired Knight
*Press return for more or q to end. >
standing before the board, crimson red cloak gleaming mutedly under the
torchlights. 
        "Alex?" she tilted her head disbelieveingly.  He turned around.
"Elly," he smiled.  "It's been a while."
        "Oh, Alex," she walked over to him and gave him a very warm hug. 
"You've been scarce around here.  I've missed you..." A few unbidden tears
twinkled around her eyes.  "I guess this is the day for me to see those that
I care for the most."
        Alexander squeezed her fondly.  "You missed me, Elly?" he asked. 
Elysia frowned at the intensity of his question.  "Of course I've missed you,
Alex," she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.  "Who else can I trust
to help me when I'm most in need?  You're one of the very few to whom I can
speak candidly around here."
        He nodded.  "Well...I've been at home, taking care of things there."
Gazing into his eyes, she saw his defenses raise quickly.
        Elysia arched one golden eyebrow at his response, then decided not to
press the issue.  She smiled brightly, placing a gentle hand on his
shoulder.  "I hope everything's allright, then," she demurred, giving him a
quick peck on the cheek.  "You do know that if you should ever...and I mean
_ever_ need to talk, I'm here?"
        "You'd hesitate to say that, if you knew the tales I could tell," he
chuckled wryly.  "But I can tell the feeling is genuine, and so is very
much appreciated.  You're very young," he suddenly observed.  "That means
that your illusions of chivalry and honor haven't been shattered yet."
        "You sound so cynical," she murmured.  "That's so unlike you, Alex."
        "You don't really know me," he almost snapped.  Elysia's eyes widened
and she gave a little jump.  "I-I'm sorry," she stuttered.  "I didn't mean
to...offend or upset you..."
        Alexander gave a slight shake of his head.  "No, I apologize...
forgive me, I've been in a foul mood all day."  He visibly brightened, but
the smile on his face failed to reach his eyes.
        Elysia nodded, lowering her eyes.  She bit her bottom lip, stepping
back from him and rocking on her heels.
        "You do know that Merlin is close to opening a portal, don't you?"
she asked hesitantly.
        Alexander berated himself for being so harsh toward her.  After all,
she couldn't possibly begin to imagine what he'd been through.  It's not her
fault, he thought, forcing himself to lighten up.  He gave her one of his
most mischievious grins, his hand falling to the heavy war-axe that hung
from his belt.  "I've Brom's axe," he smiled viciously.  "Mordred will
perish by my blade today," he said confidently.  He frowned slightly.  "You
should get equipped," he advised.  "Merlin's been at it a while now...it's
only a matter of time until he gets it right."  Elysia nodded.  "I'm off to
do that now," she said.
*Press return for more or q to end. >
        "Good luck, Elly," he gave her an affectionate glance before turning
back to the board, lost in his own musings.  Elysia sighed, and began making
her way to the shareroom.  Just as she entered the corridor that led to the
weapons distributory, she spied a familiar looking falcon setting carefully
on the ground at the entrance to the northwest tower.  A twinge of feeling
sparked within her, and memories came flooding back to her.  "Marble," she
whispered.
        She stepped through the entryway, taking the stairs two at a time,
and came to a complete stop, almost falling over the hem of a black cloak.
"Marble," she breathed.  "I knew I'd find you here..."
        "Greetings, Elly," he said formally, his handsome face
characteristically melancholy.  "Counter-attack soon, you should get
equipped."
        "I know," she muttered, silently counting how many times she'd been
told that already.  "Is everything okay?"  He tried smiling up at her, but
mixed with the misery that was apparent in his gaze, it came out to be a
grimace.  Elysia sighed, and lowered herself to the step.  "Do you want to
talk about it?"
        Marbleleaf shook his head.  "No, it's really nothing that can be
solved," he said sadly.  "I've just realized a few things, and now I'll have
to come to terms with them."
        "Realized a few things...like what?" Elly prompted slightly.  She
supposed that in her wildest dreams he would say that he regretted them ever
splitting, but she knew those words would never escape his lips.  She
leaned over and hugged her ex-husband tightly, breathing in his distinctive
scent and sighing softly in rememberance.  He lifted his arms and enfolded
her in a warm embrace, his nose pressed tightly against her hair.
        Marbleleaf sighed inwardly.  He and Elysia had been married for only
a short time when they split.  Her emotions had been running high, and
he...well, he'd never been good at expressing his feelings, except through
poetry and song.  They'd decided then that it was the best thing.  But
sometimes, when she unconsciously offered herself to him the way she was
doing now, he was tempted...very tempted.
        Elysia felt a conflict within herself.  Although they'd agreed that
it would be best for them to be apart, she couldn't help herself. Perhaps it
was the memory of the romance, his sweet voice reciting such marvelous
poetry to her as he held her in his arms...
        Suddenly, there was a loud explosion, coupled with the sound of glass
shattering into a million fragments.  "Damn," he muttered, reluctantly
releasing her.  "That must be it," he leaped to his feet.  "You need
equipment, Elly!"
        "I know!" she shouted, barely heard over the sound of heavily
armoured Knights pounding through the hall below.  She took the stairs two
at a time, landing in a crouch at the bottom of the staircase.  Entering the
shareroom, she banged on a metal cabinet.  Slowly, a door opened, and from
within poked out a tiny horned head.  "Yes, Elly?" he asked.  Glancing at a
tiny glowing-red dial on his wrist, he shook his head sadly.  "You should
have been equipped by now," he murmured disapprovingly.  "Whatcha got for
me?" she prompted.
        "A Mercenary's sword," he tossed the item from some unseen location
within the locker.  He began throwing various items onto the floor at her
feet.  "A silver amulet, a silver shield, a silver ring.  A platemail," he
lugged a rather heavy black and silver platemail from the locker and kicked
it in her direction with his little hooves.
        Elysia hurriedly shrugged into the different items.  "A pair of
spiked gloves," he smiled at her.  She grinned.  "Thank you!" she placed the
gloves on slowly and with care.  "A helm," he added, "A dusty cloak, and a
backpack."  By that time, she was heavily loaded.  "I can't carry anymore,"
she acceeded.  "I didn't think you could," the daemon snickered. 
        Elysia slung the backpack over both shoulders, and with a quick wave,
she left the room, ducking into the room next door.  "Jonas," she smiled. 
"Two boxes, please."
          "I don't think you can carry these," he muttered, trying to find a
free space on her person.  She spun around.  "My backpack," she motioned.
"There's plenty of space in there."
        He stuffed the boxes into her pack, zipping it shut.  "Goodluck,
Knightess," he smiled.
        She strode from the room as quickly as her burdened legs could carry
her.  Rounding the corner, she spied a familiar white-cloaked figure leaning
against a silver plaque in the center of the hall.  Crimson flashed across
the cloak, and Elysia gasped as she realized that Mithandros was almost
drenched in blood.  "Mith!" she exclaimed, running toward him.  When she
reached the plaque, she stopped, glancing around.  What she saw was enough
to turn her stomach.  Almost fainting, she braced herself against the wall.
        Spread out in a grotesque scene were the limp bodies of several
Knights, jagged shards of glass protruding from their limbs.  "No," Elysia
moaned.  She ran to Mithandros.  "We've got to get you to..." she thought
quickly.  Avian's services were very limited.  She glanced at the carnage
before her and took a deep breath.
        Mithandros moaned softly.  "I guess old Merlin finally made a
mistake, eh?" he said weakly.  "Suddenly, there was this explosion...and this
shockwave that just..." He stumbled, and Elysia wrapped her arms around his
waist, leading him toward the Knight's pub.  She sat him in a chair, and
turned to the brunette who was standing behind the counter, eyes wide.
        "Mary," she said sharply.  "Snap out of it.  There's more where he
came from."  Placing her entire pouch of coins on the counter, she blinked
angrily as the barmaid greedily reached for it.  "This is for him and the
other Knights.  It should be enough to heal them all."  Elysia hurriedly
shrugged out of her equipment, dropping the various pieces onto the
newly-scrubbed floor, and dashed from the room.
        The tiger-eyed waitress nodded, her tapered fingers already pouring
drinks.  Not even bothering to turn around, she called loudly to Bill,
who'd gone to hide in the back room when there was an explosion.  "Billy!"
she snapped.  "Stop cowering in the storeroom and start cooking up some
eats!  These Knights sure as hell need it."  She handed a bluish-tinted
glass of brew to Mithandros, who chugged it down with aplomb.  As a healthy
shade of color began appearing in his features, Mary's eyes narrowed.  He
was actually quite a hunk when he wasn't bleeding all over the place.
        Elysia swallowed back the bile rising to her throat as she pulled the
bleeding knight towards the pub.  "Elly," he sighed.  "I don't know what
went wrong."  Blinking wildly as tears poured down her cheeks, she murmured
soothingly to him.  "Don't worry about it, Tmo," she tried to smile
brightly.  "After a few of Mary's specials, you'll be fine."  He flinched
as she jarred him.  "I hurt bad," he moaned.  "You'll be fine," she
reassured him.  Entering the pub, she noted that Mithandros looked more
weary than hurt.  "I could use your help," she said quietly, propping Tmo
against the bar like a rag doll.  Reaching above her head, she snatched a
drink that Mary had made from the counter and held it to the Knight's lips.
        "Drink this," she whispered.  "It will make you feel better."
        Coughing, a thin trickle of blood seeping from the corner of his
mouth, Tmo took a couple of swallows.  Mithandros cursed a few times, then
stood and left the barstool.  Leaving a rapidly healing Tmo to his devices,
Elysia gave a grateful smile at Mary.  "You are a miracle worker," she
breathed, turning around.
        The minutes seemed to become hours as she and Mithandros, and
eventually Tmo, began dragging the nearly lifeless bodies of the wounded
Knights into the pub, where they regained their health through the almost
magical effects of Mary's brew.
        "Elly," she heard, and turned toward the shattered glass door. 
"Merlin!" she exclaimed, carefully examining the older man for wounds.  Other
than being extremely pale, he seemed okay.  "What happened here, Merlin?"
        The sound of pounding feet approached.  Several knightesses and
damsels, flushed and eyes wide, entered through the gates, hands on their
weapons.  "We were out on the eastern field when we heard the explosion," a
blonde, older Knightess stepped forward.  "We got here as soon as we could. 
What's going on?"  At that moment, Merlin chose to stumble, conveniently
falling into the arms of a couple of damsels, whose cheeks grew even more
flushed in distress.
        Elysia clasped hands with the older Knightess, and the identical
grails that hung from their leather belts flashed briefly.  "Erani," she
pulled her into a hug.  "I don't know what has happened.  I do know that
Whistler, Ripples, Phade, Tmo and a few others were very close to death a
moment ago. Something went horribly wrong when Merlin tried to open a
portal..."
        Everyone turned to Merlin, who opened one eye guiltily, then shut it
again quickly.  "Speak up," Erani asked angrily.  "What happened, Magician?"
        Merlin shook off the gently clutching hands, and stood to his full
height.  "Do not take that tone with me, Knightess.  Something beyond my
control has occured...causing the sundering of our dimension for a moment." 
He bristled.  "Apparently, Mordred was trying to open a portal as well..."
        "Couldn't you tell that he was trying to do the same?" The question
floated from an on-looker.  "Didn't you know what would happen if you
opened a portal at the same time and location as he?"
        "I thought I could beat him to the punch," the Magician muttered
defensively.
        "You risked the lives of Knights needlessly," Erani growled.  Elysia
stared at Merlin accusingly.  Frowning, she cast a glance around, a dark
fear springing into her heart.  "Anyone seen Marbleleaf?" she asked.  She
spun around and sprinted toward the pub, distinctly not remembering him
among the bloodied faces.  Entering the pub, she rolled her eyes at the
fully recovered Knights, who were also completely soused.  "Was Marbleleaf
here?"  They shook their heads almost in unison.
        She ran from the room again, on the verge of panicking.  As she flew
past the assembled knightesses, Merlin reached out one bony hand and grasped
her arm.
        "Elysia..." he began, his eyes downcast.  "Just after the sundering,
I'd passed out onto the floor...the last thing I remember was young Marble
coming in and asking if I were alright..."
        There was a loud gasp, and Elysia shakily made her way to the
splintered door, manuevering around shattered glass.  She stepped into the
room, breathing shallowly as she took in the destruction.  There was no trace
of Marbleleaf...she walked further in and saw something blinking in the
light.  Kneeling among blackened scrolls, her fingers closed around the tiny
piece of gold, releasing a catch.  The heart-shaped locket opened wide, and
on one side was the name 'Elysia' inscribed in flowing script.  On the other
was a miniature portrait of Elysia, her amber cloak flowing behind her.
        Shaking her head, stunned, she stood and backed away from the debris
before her.  "No," she whispered.  "No, no, NO!"  Erani sighed and rushed
toward the distraught Knightess, enfolding her in a comforting embrace.  It
was going to be a long night.
       
*       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *
 
        From the shadows beneath the stairwell, the curvacious figure smiled. 
"A soul for a soul, per the rules of dimensions," she breathed, thinking of
Marbleleaf awakening on the gray plains of Mordred's domain.  "And now..."

with a slight flourish, she grew a couple of inches taller.  Her raven hair
began curling toward her head until it was wild.  Blinking twice, the
violet of her eyes became a shimmering green.  Her rather oval face became
heart-shaped through a twist of her will, and her overly lush bosom
decreased a couple of sizes.  Taking advantage of the commotion that that
hysterical Knightess was causing, Morganna quickly positioned herself by a
mithril plaque at the gates of the castle.
        She smiled beguilingly, then realized she was still wearing her
traditional emerald tunic...she snapped her fingers, and in an instant was
fully outfitted in a dusty pair of khaki pants, a sleeveless thin cotton
shirt, and thin leather moccassins.  "Hello?" she asked in a small, almost
girlish voice.
        That gained the attention of the ever shrewd Merlin, who frowned
slightly.  His eyes narrowed, and an instant before he began scanning her
mind, she quickly inculcated a spell that gave her memories of another
life...and induced her to forget everything about herself except her mission.
        _Something's not right about her_, Merlin thought, feeling a tinge of
enchantment coming from her direction.  Gently he probed her mind, but
found nothing magical.  Shrugging it off, he turned away and entered his
chambers to begin undoing the mess he'd made.
        Erani turned and smiled wanly.  "Can I help you?" she asked. Passing
off a sobbing Elysia to an extremely discomfited Jenayle, she strode over the
newcomer and greeted her with a handshake.  The younger girl curtsied.
        "I wish to join your cause," she said earnestly.
        "What's your name?" Erani asked curiously, leading her into Arthur's
office.  "Sarah," she smiled.
       
 
 ...continued next month.

[Polar]

---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 13   --
 
Another month in NannyMUD, and another month full of deaths. We have
more of the usual: knights attacks, suicides, and just plain lag and
sometimes stupidity. Death seemed to be less vigilant this month. We
have two complete days without any deaths, for some unknown reason.
 
Merlin's Pet continues to batter the mortals, but rumours say that
he was taught a lesson by some wizards who got tired of Pet ruining
life for mortals. We will hear from Pet in this section. We'll also
hear from many mortals who just weren't lucky enough to avoid this
thing we call death. Call it shuffling off the mortal coil, or turning
your toes up to the daisies; any way you put it, it comes down to
numbers. Who can die the most in the shortest period of time? We don't
know the answer to that for sure, but we believe you can shed light on
this mysterious phenomenon called suicide. Why do we do it? Why does
it happen so often? Who is most likely to do it? You may find the
answers to such questions within. Here comes the answer to your most
intimate questions about death. Really?, you say. Well, maybe not, but
we will give it our best shot:
 
 
Bucky:
Level: 19                                 Died: Harry and stupidity
Bucky decided to party with Gilthoniel one day, when they had one big
experience. Bucky decided to kill Harry for old times sake. Well, this
time, Harry got the upper hand on Bucky. Harry had been taking holding
lessons. Holding lessons? Yes, holding is what Harry does when you try
to leave the room, he holds you back. It usually is annoying, but this
time, it was downright deadly. Bucky was fighting away, and Harry was
not the wimp Bucky thought he was. Bucky ran out of hp faster than
Harry, and when Bucky tried to escape, Harry held him. Bucky's last
thoughts were Harry's words running through his mind:
No, Bucky, I won't let you leave me!
 
Zazin:
Level: 19-1                               Died: Suiciding character
Zazin wanted to check out the wonderful world of Khorne. Wonderful?
You bet! What other guilds would inspire characters to lower their
levels all the way down to the wonderful level of 1? Well, this guild
has the record on suiciding characters. Zazin wanted to join and he
heard, through the grapevine, that level 1's had more fun. He decided
to see if this piece of info is true. He wasn't disappointed. Zazin
was picked to be in this paper for his sheer amusement at the thought
and horror of devouring his own corpse. Hmm. Interesting, we will
have to try this some day.
 
Senghir:
Level: 15-1                               Died: Suiciding character
The story of Senghir is simple. Two powerful forces rent his body
into several pieces. The combined power of the meepmobile and the
Khorne guild served to warp his mind. He was depressed at Khorne's
offerings (forbid this should happen) and took a dive off of the
infamous Suicide Tower. As a result of this, it shed him of the gifts
of Khorne, but bestowed upon him the famous meepmobile. Hmm, worth
dying, this simple autoloader? Many think so, and many lose their
lives in the effort. Ask Senghir about it, he may tell you. He likes
his life better this time around. Beware the falling bodies from the
Suicide Tower, when they land, they make a mess.
 
Cheri:
Level: various                            Died: several knights attacks
This is suiciding of a char in a way. This thought of dedicating yourself
to a guild so much that you would defend it with your life, literally.
Cheri has done this repeatedly. Her dedication to the guild does not go
by unnoticed. She fights like everyone else in the attacks, but isn't
always lucky enough to get by unscathed. She is pouring her life into
knights guild so that it may stand proud and defy EVIL. Her thoughts run
with the guild in the hopes that it remains strong.
Cheri believes that it is not the destination, it is the journey,
 
Banjax:
Level: 18 Rank: 35 Age: 41d               Died: LAG
This a story of lag in the wrong place at the wrong time. Lag? You know
when you feel like you're moving in molasses? Yep. That's ugly. When you
combine lag with Khorne guild, it never raises good memories. In Khorne
guild, when you die, you get kicked out of the guild. Banjax was out killing
in a castle one day, when all of a sudden and for no apparent reason,
LAG struck. Ack. After logged in 5 minutes later, he found the armour of
the corpse who had been him a few minutes earlier on the ground. This
small chunk of LAG turned this Greater Daemon of Khorne into a simple
Adventurer. His accomplishment in Khorne guild was having the longest
daemon name in Khorne history. Unfortunately, the name was longer than
the time he spent honouring it. His thoughts now run the lines of:
 
For every battle honour, a thousand heroes die alone, unsung and unremembered.
 
Wrath:
Level: 19 Rank: 54 Age: 35d               Died: LAG
Wrath, the former Daemon Lord of Khorne, has met his match with the one
power to reduce levels in Khorne: LAG. He holds the sole honour of being
the first Khorne in history to go beyond rank 50. He has since shuffled off
his mortal coil and is assuming a new role raising himself through the
ranks once again. This proud warrior once said he would never die. Hmm.
35 days is not forever, but it IS a long time. Rhuarc has since ascended
to the top spot in Khorne and is now rank 59.
 
Merlin's Pet:
Level: unknown                            Died: Vengeful Wizards
This is a monster you say. Yes, it is. BUT, not every monster has the
honour of a party of wizards hunting it. Merlin's Pet finally met its
match when a party of 16 wizards utterly demoralized and destroyed it.
These wizards took a stand and hunted down the beast that was killing
off all of their mortal friends. Their last words before killing this
beast were: We're not gonna take it! Anymore!
Merlin's Pet has claimed 12 mortal lives this month.
 


---------------------- The NannyMUD Times --------------------- page 14   --
 
   Another month behind us, another month ahead of us, and another issue of
the NannyMUD Times has hit the presses.
 
   I'd like to thank Snafu, Narya, Mystick, Mishra, and Alainysi for their
help and submissions for the paper.  Their assistance resulted in a far
superior paper than one written solely by one person.
 
   For the next issue, I again ask for your contributions; and as flappy as
it sounds, this isn't my paper, this is your paper.  The more you put into
it, the better it will be.  I look forward to regular issues of over twenty
pages, if there are those out there willing to put in the effort to help.
 
   Until next time.
 
   //Lonewolf, Editor-in-chief