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Dulcineea's Storybook
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Topic: Dulcineea's Storybook (Read 1877 times)
dulcineea
Newbie
Posts: 29
Dulcineea's Storybook
«
on:
June 12, 2004, 02:45:46 AM »
Even tho I am a Computer Science student I've always wanted to write. I love legends and myths and if I ever get the time for it I would like to write fantasy or Sci-Fi.
So as not to get my hopes up beforehand I have asked Snafu about posting some of my short Nanny-related stories here.
Here I am with the first story. It's really Ravenlady's plan but I just want an evaluation from you. Hope you like it.
====== Ravenlady ========
They say I was born during autumn. I do not remember...yet I remember the smell of leaves and trees, the song of birds...
They found me savage, or at least I seemed that way because I couldn?t speak the tongue of men. I had no need for it. I could talk to the animals and trees. Their gentle sway told me stories of the world, their cry told me the story of my life...
I had been taken from by crib by murderous trolls that had brought me to their lair deep within the dark forests. The trees always shiver when they hear them roaming...
To my good fortune I was kept as a toy, as a reminder of human frailness and uselessness, but at least I was not eaten. The trees tell me that I was being left alone for days, left to die with no food or water, but the rain. That?s when the ravens started to come.
They usually fly around troll lairs looking for food and that?s how they found me.
At first they fed me and brought me water, but soon the trolls saw it and drove them away with their weapons. And time passed....
I would have been left alone again were it not for the wind...for a miracle happened.
I called for the ravens in their tongue, I cried out for food, I cried out for their warm wings that covered me during cold nights and rain...and the winds took my call and nourished it with strength and spread it throughout the world until they found the ravens. And they came back, and talked to the animals so I could learn their tongue, and talked to the trees and wind so I could learn their sway and sound. And the trees took me on their branches and fed me sap and water from their leaves and the ravens brought the world to my years with their knowledge of fights and death and from time to time they carried me above the villages to see the world of men. But I had no need for it. And years passed...
Until one day when the trolls remembered their toy and looked for me...and found me in the tree that nourished me and kept me safe from storms...and they killed it. They struck it with their clubs and ripped the bark away and drove their nails deep inside its heart.
I was not alone though, the ravens went to look for help and found a wise owl that called a human to my aid.
He came through the forest and the trees welcomed and strengthened him. He was more beautiful than the cedar trees, with eyes that borrowed their color from the sky and leaves. He saw the trolls and swaying like a willow he entangled them and crushed them and gave their corpses to the trees. And he saw me, laying on the ground, covered by the wings of ravens with hair the color of leaves in autumn, pale and frightened crying for the dead tree. I saw him take a seed and put it in the ground...and the seed began to grow and soon it was a young hazel. I knew I would love him for the rest of my life for he was as gentle as the trees.
He took me with him and taught me the ways of the human world and I showed him more about the flow of water and gentle embrace of the wind and he loved me.
He called me Ravenlady, and we are now together, one with the forests, two druids with their hearts one with nature and their souls entangled.
If you look for us...you will find a tree near the troll lair that will tell our story to you, the story of Sharky and Ravenlady.
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Dulcineea, Ravenlady, Sasha, Sookie, Freygerd, Almalexia
Is a multiple personality harmful ?
Anyway they are all just as snuggly.
Carrion
Sr. Member
Posts: 457
Dulcineea's Storybook
«
Reply #1 on:
June 12, 2004, 07:01:29 AM »
Well written, I like the style, but somehow the flow in the story is strange... Or there is no flow... Might be that you have tried to compress the story. Anyway, I say 'Yup'.
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ladychris
Full Member
Posts: 201
Dulcineea's Storybook
«
Reply #2 on:
June 12, 2004, 07:12:56 AM »
Awwww, beautiful, i want more of such stories
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Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
A.Einstein
dulcineea
Newbie
Posts: 29
Dulcineea's Storybook
«
Reply #3 on:
June 12, 2004, 03:50:08 PM »
Thanks for the input! Means a lot...
If the poll stands as it is next week I'll either get a job or post a new story!
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Dulcineea, Ravenlady, Sasha, Sookie, Freygerd, Almalexia
Is a multiple personality harmful ?
Anyway they are all just as snuggly.
Ahriah
Jr. Member
Posts: 56
Dulcineea's Storybook
«
Reply #4 on:
June 13, 2004, 07:06:32 AM »
POST POST POST, but get a job too wouldnt want to miss seeing short stories because you cant pay for internet access hehe
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Fallen Angel
Yavathol
Full Member
Posts: 221
Dulcineea's Storybook
«
Reply #5 on:
June 16, 2004, 11:52:33 AM »
I enjoyed the story and would like to see more.
It does seem, as carrion hinted at, that this might be an abridged version. It seems that there is more behind your words that just isn't fully conveyed. There are points where the imagery is beautiful and others where it is not lacking but just not as intense. Still, all in all, it is well told.
Thanks for sharing
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Try it:
http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=Yavathol
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